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Humor

A train is waiting at the Dinky Station,

First-years head back to hometowns for much-needed confidence boosts

“I miss being in an environment where getting into Princeton felt like some sort of unique accomplishment,” says first-year and prospective politics concentrator Deb Baitte. “That was unfortunately the coolest thing about me, but everyone here has done it, too.”

“I miss being in an environment where getting into Princeton felt like some sort of unique accomplishment,” says first-year and prospective politics concentrator Deb Baitte. “That was unfortunately the coolest thing about me, but everyone here has done it, too.

HUMOR | October 13

Front of Morrison Hall at night, lit up by the lights by the door.

The ad-mini-strators influencing daily life at Princeton

“Speciesism runs rampant at Princeton,” EEB concentrator Riley Shannon '24 explained in an interview with the Daily PrintsAnything. “There are underground figures shaping fundamental aspects of our college experience every day, but since they don’t have fancy offices or listserv access, they don’t receive the same acknowledgement for the work they do.”  

“Speciesism runs rampant at Princeton,” EEB concentrator Riley Shannon '24 explained in an interview with the Daily PrintsAnything. “There are underground figures shaping fundamental aspects of our college experience every day, but since they don’t have fancy offices or listserv access, they don’t receive the same acknowledgement for the work they do.”  

HUMOR | September 28

Photo of a red oak tree fallen over on Edwards Hall, with leaves and branches strewn on the ground. A worker in a neon yellow vest is suspended above the tree on a crane extending from a truck to assess the damage.

‘It’s an omen’: students react to Edwards tree crashing through window

Luckily, all residents were safely evacuated to Dillon, where they found life boats, hazmat suits, a full English breakfast, and SZA singing SOS. 

Luckily, all residents were safely evacuated to Dillon, where they found life boats, hazmat suits, a full English breakfast, and SZA singing SOS. 

HUMOR | September 26

dining hall (Isabel Richardson).JPG

RoMa strives to make Indian food Saturdays, like, super authentic

These changes will include a new uniform including sarees and kurtas made of craft felt as well as “those pointy shoes they wear in Aladdin,” says Sal Adbar, Director of Dining Services.

These changes will include a new uniform including sarees and kurtas made of craft felt as well as “those pointy shoes they wear in Aladdin,” says Sal Adbar, Director of Dining Services.

HUMOR | September 26

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Verdant greenery in the Northeastern United States.

BREAKING: First-year lost during Outdoor Action finally rescued

The identity of this individual, as confirmed by the administration, is Mark McCalister ’76. Currently 69 years old, McCalister claims he has been searching the forest of Harriman State Park for his first-year Outdoor Action (OA) group for the past 51 years.

The identity of this individual, as confirmed by the administration, is Mark McCalister ’76. Currently 69 years old, McCalister claims he has been searching the forest of Harriman State Park for his first-year Outdoor Action (OA) group for the past 51 years.

HUMOR | September 21

Photo of boy with glasses on a dark blue background

Princeton maintains top spot in U.S. News college ranking, all thanks to one overachieving sophomore

“We would be nowhere near the top of the ranking if not for the countless accomplishments of Danny Cole. The rest of the student body has essentially given up,” said Dean of Assessments Gordon Pritchard in an emailed statement.

“We would be nowhere near the top of the ranking if not for the countless accomplishments of Danny Cole. The rest of the student body has essentially given up,” said Dean of Assessments Gordon Pritchard in an emailed statement.

HUMOR | September 20

Photo of Dean of the College Jill Dolan's head photoshopped on the body of a futuristic robot.

University installs AI as new Dean of the College

The Daily PrintsAnything spoke to Dean Dolan, who was very excited about the new AI Dean software. “I've already started using it to respond to my colleagues’ emails,” she said. “I mean, who has time to answer hundreds of Chris’s [Eisgruber] emails crying about not getting into diSiac?”

The Daily PrintsAnything spoke to Dean Dolan, who was very excited about the new AI Dean software. “I've already started using it to respond to my colleagues’ emails,” she began. “I mean, who has time to answer hundreds of Chris’ [Eisgruber] emails crying about not getting into diSiac?”

HUMOR | September 14

Photo of people outside on the grass in front of Blair Arch.

Housing Services hides box fans around campus in an egg hunt-style competition

Noah Cee, a representative from Housing Services, told The Daily PrintsAnything, “We are looking forward to watching undergraduates scramble around campus looking for fans. They are NOT on the roof!”

Noah Cee, a representative from Housing Services, told The Daily PrintsAnything, “We are looking forward to watching undergraduates scramble around campus looking for fans. They are NOT on the roof!”

HUMOR | September 7

Photo of students partying in the rain in front of the main stage at Lawnparties.

Breaking: Lawnparties headliners are NOT the real Chainsmokers, but impersonators

According to multiple online sources, these two men have been traveling the country pretending to be The Chainsmokers, producing nearly identical-sounding music, as well as acting in the same douche-bag manner integral to The Chainsmokers’ image.

According to multiple online sources, these two men have been traveling the country pretending to be The Chainsmokers, producing nearly identical-sounding music, as well as acting in the same douche-bag manner integral to The Chainsmokers’ image.

HUMOR | September 7

Photo of the Swiss Alps surrounding a small European town on a river.

University enrollment plunges as students choose to remain abroad

Former member of the Class of 2025, Lawsto Verses explained via Zoom, “We were in Europe for the summer learning about philosophy or something random like that and I realized they actually, like, pay livable wages here. Like I can live more comfortably on a German minimum wage than I will ever be able to in the US with my psychology degree.” 

Former member of the Class of 2025, Lawsto Verses explained via Zoom, “We were in Europe for the summer learning about philosophy or something random like that and I realized they actually, like, pay livable wages here. Like I can live more comfortably on a German minimum wage than I will ever be able to in the US with my psychology degree.” 

HUMOR | September 3

students_walking_class_jean_shin.jpg

Student in wheelchair expelled for using PEV in designated zone during peak hours

Cessible, who uses an electric wheelchair, lives in one of the University’s completely inaccessible dorm buildings due to her ill-suited sorting into Rockefeller College and unfortunate room draw time. After bringing attention to her issue, housing services provided Putie with a chain lock for her wheelchair, so that it wouldn’t be stolen from the bike racks outside her dorm overnight. 

Putie, who uses an electric wheelchair, lives in one of the University’s completely inaccessible dorm buildings due to her ill-suited sorting into Rockefeller College and unfortunate room draw time. After bringing attention to her issue, housing services provided Putie with a chain lock for her wheelchair, so that it wouldn’t be stolen from the bike racks outside her dorm overnight.

HUMOR | August 23

guyot dinosaur cos

Guyot Hall dinosaur to switch major to COS

HUMOR: “I mean I’ll be more employable than … what do you even call them? Ecologyists? Evolutionarists? Geoscientists? Those all sound like made up jobs, I mean, I stand around them all day, and I’ve never once heard any of them talk about anything that seemed important. Just ‘conservation’ this and ‘natural disasters’ that,” Arnold the Allosaurus said.

HUMOR: “I mean I’ll be more employable than … what do you even call them? Ecologyists? Evolutionarists? Geoscientists? Those all sound like made up jobs, I mean, I stand around them all day, and I’ve never once heard any of them talk about anything that seemed important. Just ‘conservation’ this and ‘natural disasters’ that,” Arnold the Allosaurus said.

HUMOR | May 7

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Student with lowest GPA also to speak at graduation

HUMOR: While the salutatorian address is traditionally given in Latin, the defictorian delivers a speech in pig latin. Lachey first gained proficiency in this language in third grade, and has been practicing his pig latin throughout his time at Princeton, to the chagrin of his professors.

HUMOR: While the salutatorian address is traditionally given in Latin, the defictorian delivers a speech in pig latin. Lachey first gained proficiency in this language in third grade, and has been practicing his pig latin throughout his time at Princeton, to the chagrin of his professors.

HUMOR | April 26

Glass building with wood doors. In the foreground, a sidewalk with snow.

After 200+ internship rejections, student to spend summer researching how to land internship

HUMOR: “I'm just trying to keep up with my friends who get internships through their family connections,” Jobs said. “I know some people might think it's a waste of time, but I've got a growth mindset, and I'm not going to stop until I get that offer.”

HUMOR: “I'm just trying to keep up with my friends who get internships through their family connections,” Jobs said. “I know some people might think it's a waste of time, but I've got a growth mindset, and I'm not going to stop until I get that offer.”

HUMOR | April 20

U.S Capitol Riot - Jan 6

Princeton student makes it big on the Hill

HUMOR: University spokesperson Paul Ittiks said, “We are thrilled to see a member of our community speaking up for his beliefs, and even more excited to see a Princeton undergrad who truly believes his voice matters and that he is working in the nation’s service.”

HUMOR: University spokesperson Paul Ittiks said, “We are thrilled to see a member of our community speaking up for his beliefs, and even more excited to see a Princeton undergrad who truly believes his voice matters and that he is working in the nation’s service.”

HUMOR | April 19

Maria Ressa in the newsroom

‘Who does Maria Ressa think she is?’: Students react to pre-read announcement

HUMOR: “She co-founded Rappler? Well, I write a lifestyle blog about the barbaric politics of Brooklyn private high schools. Who the f*** does she think she is?”

HUMOR: “She co-founded Rappler? Well, I write a lifestyle blog about the barbaric politics of Brooklyn private high schools. Who the f*** does she think she is?”

HUMOR | April 19

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French class perishes in fire while trying to speak to 911 in French

HUMOR: Witnesses heard students screaming out the window for help, followed by shouts of “en français, s'il vous plaît!” Calls to 911 were ineffective as the students mistakenly used the indefinite article to describe the fire. 

HUMOR: Witnesses heard students screaming out the window for help, followed by shouts of “en français, s'il vous plaît!” Calls to 911 were ineffective as the students mistakenly used the indefinite article to describe the fire. 

HUMOR | 04/12/2023