Michael Hwang

First all-castrato a cappella group makes historic debut

Amid the hallowed a cappella grounds beneath Blair Arch, the TestosterTones serenaded audience members with a rousing, high-pitched rendition of Jerry Lee Lewis’s “Great Balls of Fire”. The highlight of the night was their performance of “Can I Put My Balls in Your Jaws,” a piece that, while off-limits for any other male-dominated a cappella group, was wholly innocuous coming from the TestosterTones.

Amid the hallowed a cappella grounds beneath Blair Arch, the TestosterTones serenaded audience members with a rousing, high-pitched rendition of Jerry Lee Lewis’s “Great Balls of Fire”. The highlight of the night was their performance of “Can I Put My Balls in Your Jaws,” a piece that, while off-limits for any other male-dominated a cappella group, was wholly innocuous coming from the TestosterTones.

HumOrpinion: Woke editors, stop censoring my brilliant pieces

How can the Daily PrintsAnything uphold its reputation for sharp-witted and culturally-relevant satire while censoring its writers’ best ideas? Every day, we move one step closer to a draconic surveillance state that stifles important conversations.

Fire Safety conducts blindfolded inspections to avoid disturbing unclothed students

Thankfully, University Housing has recently implemented a program to eliminate the embarrassment of being caught half-naked during a fire inspection. Fire Safety will be patrolling the hallways of student dormitories blindfolded and performing inspections by touch in the hopes that students will be comforted by the fact that they won’t be seen naked.

Thankfully, University Housing has recently implemented a program to eliminate the embarrassment of being caught half-naked during a fire inspection. Fire Safety will be patrolling the hallways of student dormitories blindfolded and performing inspections by touch in the hopes that students will be comforted by the fact that they won’t be seen naked.

Sledgehammer-wielding Eisgruber attacks anyone who violates PEV ban

As Ryder lay dazed on the ground, the University President swiftly brought down his sledgehammer on Ryder’s kneecaps.

As Ryder lay dazed on the ground, the University President swiftly brought down his sledgehammer on Ryder’s kneecaps.

Dan Khum ’24, Henry Gussler ’24 win Will D. Znutz mathematics prize for revolutionary ‘Khum-Gussler algorithm’

The American Mathematical Society recognize Dan Khum ’24 and Henry Gussler ’24 for their new algorithm in algebraic topology.

The American Mathematical Society recognize Dan Khum ’24 and Henry Gussler ’24 for their new algorithm in algebraic topology.

BREAKING: Trailblazing MAE senior chooses career outside of consulting or defense

“This is virtually unheard of,” said Professor Martin Lockhead, chair of the MAE department. “Most MAE graduates become servants of the lucrative military-industrial complex or sell out to consulting and go to hell. Ray is a truly brave soul to sacrifice his income to uphold his morals.”

“This is virtually unheard of,” said Professor Martin Lockhead, chair of the MAE department. “Most MAE graduates become servants of the lucrative military-industrial complex or sell out to consulting and go to hell. Ray is a truly brave soul to sacrifice his income to uphold his morals.”

Students applaud professor for doing his job on the last day of class

DeLoach’s course, “Incredibly Unhelpful Introduction to Essential Topic in Your Major,” is currently rated a 1.73 out of 5 on princetoncourses.com.

DeLoach’s course, “Incredibly Unhelpful Introduction to Essential Topic in Your Major,” is currently rated a 1.73 out of 5 on princetoncourses.com.

Ted Cruz delivers perplexing handwritten message to Whig-Clio

Though it is unknown why Cruz chose to deliver his opinion in such a cryptic manner, we believe that it may be an anti-liberal countermeasure against the prying eyes of the fake news media.

Though it is unknown why Cruz chose to deliver his opinion in such a cryptic manner, we believe that it may be an anti-liberal countermeasure against the prying eyes of the fake news media.

University expands PEV designated zone to encompass entire planet

“We’ve realized that construction is not limited to the Princeton area, and that makes the world very dangerous for PEV users,” Kim said.

“We’ve realized that construction is not limited to the Princeton area, and that makes the world very dangerous for PEV users,” said Kim.