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Sophia Varughese


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RoMa strives to make Indian food Saturdays, like, super authentic

These changes will include a new uniform including sarees and kurtas made of craft felt as well as “those pointy shoes they wear in Aladdin,” says Sal Adbar, Director of Dining Services.

These changes will include a new uniform including sarees and kurtas made of craft felt as well as “those pointy shoes they wear in Aladdin,” says Sal Adbar, Director of Dining Services.


Verdant greenery in the Northeastern United States.

BREAKING: First-year lost during Outdoor Action finally rescued

The identity of this individual, as confirmed by the administration, is Mark McCalister ’76. Currently 69 years old, McCalister claims he has been searching the forest of Harriman State Park for his first-year Outdoor Action (OA) group for the past 51 years.

The identity of this individual, as confirmed by the administration, is Mark McCalister ’76. Currently 69 years old, McCalister claims he has been searching the forest of Harriman State Park for his first-year Outdoor Action (OA) group for the past 51 years.


Photo of students partying in the rain in front of the main stage at Lawnparties.

Breaking: Lawnparties headliners are NOT the real Chainsmokers, but impersonators

According to multiple online sources, these two men have been traveling the country pretending to be The Chainsmokers, producing nearly identical-sounding music, as well as acting in the same douche-bag manner integral to The Chainsmokers’ image.

According to multiple online sources, these two men have been traveling the country pretending to be The Chainsmokers, producing nearly identical-sounding music, as well as acting in the same douche-bag manner integral to The Chainsmokers’ image.


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Student with lowest GPA also to speak at graduation

HUMOR: While the salutatorian address is traditionally given in Latin, the defictorian delivers a speech in pig latin. Lachey first gained proficiency in this language in third grade, and has been practicing his pig latin throughout his time at Princeton, to the chagrin of his professors.

HUMOR: While the salutatorian address is traditionally given in Latin, the defictorian delivers a speech in pig latin. Lachey first gained proficiency in this language in third grade, and has been practicing his pig latin throughout his time at Princeton, to the chagrin of his professors.


Maria Ressa in the newsroom

‘Who does Maria Ressa think she is?’: Students react to pre-read announcement

HUMOR: “She co-founded Rappler? Well, I write a lifestyle blog about the barbaric politics of Brooklyn private high schools. Who the f*** does she think she is?”

HUMOR: “She co-founded Rappler? Well, I write a lifestyle blog about the barbaric politics of Brooklyn private high schools. Who the f*** does she think she is?”


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University now offering mental health counseling for well-endowed students

HUMOR: There is evidence of this being a widespread problem; Princeton students have larger than average penises, according to self-reported data from ‘Prints’ humor writers. “No one should have to hang pipe alone,” stated one of these students, who we will not name despite his vigorous protests.  

HUMOR: There is evidence of this being a widespread problem; Princeton students have larger than average penises, according to self-reported data from ‘Prints’ humor writers. “No one should have to hang pipe alone,” stated one of these students, who we will not name despite his vigorous protests.  


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First-year ‘totally fine and super okay’ that all of her friends are rooming without her

HUMOR: “It really wasn’t embarrassing at all when draw times came out, and I saw that they were on the top half of the first page, and I was one of three people on the last page. It was probably, like, the least embarrassing thing I’ve ever experienced, actually. All I did was punch a wall a few times. I literally wasn’t even that mad.”

HUMOR: “It really wasn’t embarrassing at all when draw times came out, and I saw that they were on the top half of the first page, and I was one of three people on the last page. It was probably, like, the least embarrassing thing I’ve ever experienced, actually. All I did was punch a wall a few times. I literally wasn’t even that mad.”


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‘I’m pretty sure he’s a camp counselor’: New CPS employees clearly not qualified counselors students requested

HUMOR: One student said that they recognized their counselor as a student who works behind the desk at Dillon Gym. “I told him I had been struggling with seasonal depression since the end of November. He told me to ‘get the f*** up’ and ‘go get ripped.’”

HUMOR: One student said that they recognized their counselor as a student who works behind the desk at Dillon Gym. “I told him I had been struggling with seasonal depression since the end of November. He told me to ‘get the f*** up’ and ‘go get ripped.’”


20 Nassau Street

University responds to postdocs’ protest, raises minimum salary by 7,000 Paw Points

HUMOR: “I just had my second kid. Now, instead of being able to buy formula, I can either feed a Junbi matcha latte or Thomas Sweet melted vanilla ice cream to my infant child. Great.”

HUMOR: “I just had my second kid. Now, instead of being able to buy formula, I can either feed a Junbi matcha latte or Thomas Sweet melted vanilla ice cream to my infant child. Great.”


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Midterm emotional support dogs refuse to come back for finals: “It’s just too damn much”

HUMOR: “Yes, it’s technically our job to be pet by humans, but it’s just too damn much. All this touching, it just feels invasive. Our bodies aren’t being respected,” said Charles, a sophisticated and well-groomed borzoi.”

HUMOR: “Yes, it’s technically our job to be pet by humans, but it’s just too damn much. All this touching, it just feels invasive. Our bodies aren’t being respected,” said Charles, a sophisticated and well-groomed borzoi.”


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