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Sophia Varughese


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Midterm emotional support dogs refuse to come back for finals: “It’s just too damn much”

HUMOR: “Yes, it’s technically our job to be pet by humans, but it’s just too damn much. All this touching, it just feels invasive. Our bodies aren’t being respected,” said Charles, a sophisticated and well-groomed borzoi.”

HUMOR: “Yes, it’s technically our job to be pet by humans, but it’s just too damn much. All this touching, it just feels invasive. Our bodies aren’t being respected,” said Charles, a sophisticated and well-groomed borzoi.”


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Eisgruber announces second Clash of Colleges, losers to be transferred to Columbia

HUMOR: “Since we accepted way too many first-years, and their rankings really need help, and I was sure that I could get my fist in my mouth, I took the bet. Sadly, I couldn’t do it.”

HUMOR: “Since we accepted way too many freshmen, and their rankings really need help, and I was sure that I could get my fist in my mouth, I took the bet. Sadly, I couldn’t do it.”


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