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Spencer Bauman


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HumOrpinion: University should divert all funding to Wintersession

HUMOR: What’s not to love? Where else am I able to watch a movie from the early 2000s on a large blow-up screen on the cold, wet ground outside the building where I failed my math exam?

HUMOR: What’s not to love? Where else am I able to watch a movie from the early 2000s on a large blow-up screen on the cold, wet ground outside the building where I failed my math exam?


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TigerAlert: Man wields blowtorch in front of crowd of students outside Firestone Library

HUMOR: Thirty minutes later, another TigerAlert was issued: “The entrance to Firestone Library has been cleared. Students may continue attempting to avoid academic mediocrity as they see fit.”

HUMOR: Thirty minutes later, another TigerAlert was issued: “The entrance to Firestone Library has been cleared. Students may continue attempting to avoid academic mediocrity as they see fit.”


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Survey suggests 15% of seniors are just two first-years in a trenchcoat

HUMOR: The survey was released following rising suspicions of these “pseudo-seniors.” Individuals in trenchcoats were seen sneaking into eating clubs, while repeatedly shouting the word “thesis” in order to blend in.

HUMOR: The survey was released following rising suspicions of these “pseudo-seniors.” Individuals in trenchcoats were seen sneaking into eating clubs, while repeatedly shouting the word “thesis” in order to blend in.


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Princeton to cover students’ tuition in the form of U-Store credit

HUMOR: With this money to use at the U-Store, the University expects each student to be able to purchase either one short-sleeved shirt, one box of pop-tarts, two Gatorades, or an orange folder that holds three or four pieces of paper.

HUMOR: With this money to use at the U-Store, the University expects each student to be able to purchase either one short-sleeved shirt, one box of pop-tarts, two Gatorades, or an orange folder that holds three or four pieces of paper.


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University announces Class of 2026 pre-read “Oh, the Places You’ll Go”

SATIRE: A shift in tone from “Moving Up without Losing Your Way,” University President Christopher Eisgruber ’83 announced the Class of 2026 pre-read will be Dr. Seuss’s “Oh, the Places You’ll Go.” 

SATIRE: A shift in tone from “Moving Up without Losing Your Way,” University President Christopher Eisgruber ’83 announced the Class of 2026 pre-read will be Dr. Seuss’s “Oh, the Places You’ll Go.” 


McCosh Chairs

Princeton introduces “0-hundred level” courses for those who no longer wish to be academically challenged

SATIRE: Starting in the Fall 2022 semester, classes like MAT 002: Counting by Fives, COS 026: Making Folders in Google Drive, and CWR 002: Intro to Complete Sentences will be available for all undergraduates. 

SATIRE: Starting in the Fall 2022 semester, classes like MAT 002: Counting by Fives, COS 026: Making Folders in Google Drive, and CWR 002: Intro to Complete Sentences will be available for all undergraduates. 


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