The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
Whitman and Butler Colleges are collaborating to “recreate the first Thanksgiving” next Thursday in a way that is both “totally accurate” and “respectful,” according to a joint statement from the residential colleges.
“As a holiday that truly exemplifies American culture and values, we wanted to provide students with an immersive experience that they’ll never forget,” Cole Lumbus, Head of Dining Services for Whitman College wrote in a statement to The Daily PrintsAnything.
Following the closure of the Wu-Wilcox dining hall, Butler students had to turn to the Whitman dining hall for the closest sustenance.
“This Whitman welcome directly parallels how the Native Americans graciously welcomed the Pilgrims to the new world,” Lumbus wrote.
Indigenous@Princeton told the ‘Prints’ in response, “That's really not what happened at the first Thanksgiving”
May Fleur, Head Dining services for Butler College, wrote in her own statement that, “Enriching students in our rich American history is a wonderful way for them to see what historical places like Princeton are all about. By recreating the First Thanksgiving Dinner — a totally welcoming event that championed peace and equality — we hope students will likewise build a sense of community here.”
Indigenous@Princeton commented again, this time just sending a voice memo recording of a heavy sigh to the ‘Prints.’
In order to make the dinner as accurate to the time-period as possible, traditional dishes such as pies and mashed potatoes will not be present. Princeton Dining Services also noted that students will have to harvest all the ingredients necessary for the event themselves following a hike to the woods at the Institute for Advanced Study.
As a final note, Fleur emphasized to the ‘Prints’ that “respect for the heritage and culture behind Thanksgiving is at the forefront of our concerns. Before the meal begins, we will collectively recognize that it is being hosted on lands originally belonging to the students of Whitman.”
Fleur was also asked about whether the event would also recognize that the University itself was built on the indigenous land of the Lenni-Lenape people, but declined to comment.
Sawyer Dilks is a contributing Humor writer from the class of 2027. As someone of Native American ethnicity, he reminds students not to dress up for Thanksgiving, no matter how appealing the clearance sales at Spirit may be.