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Lauren Owens

University installs AI as new Dean of the College

Photo of Dean of the College Jill Dolan's head photoshopped on the body of a futuristic robot.

University installs AI as new Dean of the College

Lauren Owens
| HUMOR | September 14

The Daily PrintsAnything spoke to Dean Dolan, who was very excited about the new AI Dean software. “I've already started using it to respond to my colleagues’ emails,” she said. “I mean, who has time to answer hundreds of Chris’s [Eisgruber] emails crying about not getting into diSiac?”

The Daily PrintsAnything spoke to Dean Dolan, who was very excited about the new AI Dean software. “I've already started using it to respond to my colleagues’ emails,” she began. “I mean, who has time to answer hundreds of Chris’ [Eisgruber] emails crying about not getting into diSiac?”

University enrollment plunges as students choose to remain abroad

Photo of the Swiss Alps surrounding a small European town on a river.

University enrollment plunges as students choose to remain abroad

Lauren Owens
| HUMOR | September 3

Former member of the Class of 2025, Lawsto Verses explained via Zoom, “We were in Europe for the summer learning about philosophy or something random like that and I realized they actually, like, pay livable wages here. Like I can live more comfortably on a German minimum wage than I will ever be able to in the US with my psychology degree.” 

Former member of the Class of 2025, Lawsto Verses explained via Zoom, “We were in Europe for the summer learning about philosophy or something random like that and I realized they actually, like, pay livable wages here. Like I can live more comfortably on a German minimum wage than I will ever be able to in the US with my psychology degree.” 

Student groups resort to stairwells as dance groups dominate performance spaces

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Student groups resort to stairwells as dance groups dominate performance spaces

Lauren Owens
| HUMOR | April 9

HUMOR: Major dance groups on campus such as Slizikrac, ASSertion, and The Red Army call the shots, forcing other performing arts groups to the sidelines — literally; last semester Talk Straight slam poetry held an open mic night at the tennis courts.

HUMOR: Major dance groups on campus such as Slizikrac, ASSertion, and The Red Army call the shots, forcing other performing arts groups to the sidelines — literally; last semester Talk Straight slam poetry held an open mic night at the tennis courts.

Princeton University accepts 0.00% of applicants to Class of 2027

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Princeton University accepts 0.00% of applicants to Class of 2027

Lauren Owens
| HUMOR | March 30

HUMOR: “By refraining from opening up any spots in the Great Class of 2027, Princeton can guarantee that every student was treated equally no matter the privileges or disadvantages that their pasts have afforded them.”

HUMOR: “By refraining from opening up any spots in the Great Class of 2027, Princeton can guarantee that every student was treated equally no matter the privileges or disadvantages that their pasts have afforded them.”

Sophomores picker Ivy, now thinking about leafing

ivy-club.jpg

Sophomores picker Ivy, now thinking about leafing

Lauren Owens
| HUMOR | March 1

Tree weeks ago, sophoemore students Herb Sanvegges ’25 and Farem Ur ’25 went through the arborous pickering process alongside many of their grassmates, but are now realizing their choice to dew so may have bean misincorned. 

Tree weeks ago, sophoemore students Herb Sanvegges ’25 and Farem Ur ’25 went through the arborous pickering process alongside many of their grassmates, but are now realizing their choice to dew so may have bean misincorned. 

ODUS releases list of 5 ideas to make this Valentine’s Day special on campus

roma is romantic

ODUS releases list of 5 ideas to make this Valentine’s Day special on campus

Lauren Owens and Ayushmaan Kher
| HUMOR | February 13

HUMOR: Just in time for Valentine’s Day, ODUS released a brand-new list of the top five affordable things to do with that special someone on and around campus.

HUMOR: Just in time for Valentine’s Day, ODUS released a brand-new list of the top five affordable things to do with that special someone on and around campus.

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