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Sophomores picker Ivy, now thinking about leafing

The Ivy Club
Candace Do / The Daily Princetonian

The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.

Tree weeks ago, sophomore students Herb Sanvegges ’25 and Farem Ur ’25 went through the arborous pickering process alongside many of their grassmates, but are now realizing their choice to dew so may have bean misincorned.


Sanvegges and Ur both raked Ivy as their first choice, hoeping to be part of a community of like-minded farming enthusiasts. But they were sorrely mistaken.

“We’re both STEM majors,” says Ur, “so we didn’t have much thyme to devote to the whole picker process. Herb and I both just love being outside and gardening, sow we thought a plant-themed club like Ivy would have bean the perfect place fir us.”

“Yeah,” adds Sanvegges, “but now that we’re here, I’m thinking maybe we weren’t mint for this. Everyone just seeds to be from such a different social grass than we are. They welcomed us mustard-ently when we first got in, but I have not seen anyone here riveering the trowel the way we do.”

Nople Ants ’24, president of Ivy Club, asks members “not to tree afraid and to take a leaf of faith” when first joining the club. She wanted to lettuce here at The Daily PrintsAnything know that Ivy is “always rooting for its newest members.” She also eggspressed that those with more plower in the club “will always be there to provide sage words of advice,” and that “the club can be a great place to “chili-ven if farming isn’t our primary focus.” However, Ants also asks that if Ur and Sanvegges do choose to leaf that they “garden their minds all of the club’s seedcrets they have already learned,” as would bee the case with any club.

“Wheel have to dill with it for now,” Ur conseeds. “Weed love to try and build a community here at Ivy, and thistle have to do untill we decide if we want to picker somewhere else in the fall.”

Lauren Owens is a contributing Humor writer who put the petal to the metal to get this article done and hopes you are apple to sesameaning out of the wordplay!