The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
Just in time for Valentine’s Day, here’s a list of the top five affordable things to do with that special someone on and around campus.
5. Get dinner at RoMa. Put that meal plan to good use and head up to campus’s most historic district for some fine dining. You’ll have plenty of time to make awkward small talk in the out-the-door line, courtesy of the Wucox dining hall closure! So RoMa-ntic.
4. Enjoy some free coffee from Wawa. Take advantage of Wawa’s free coffee Tuesdays! For an extra-special option, head down to the Wa to grab some coffee before spending time together in a late-night study session! The red color scheme, the dove-like emblem, and the Dinky’s wedding bells make for an unparalleled romantic atmosphere.
3. Walk back from night precept together. Accompany your crush to Firestone after night precept … and, if you’re feeling extra bold, you can slide into the same charging outlet! Who needs DMs anyways? ;)
2. Candlelight dinner by the Danny DeVito shrine. Gear up for an adventure of a lifetime and head down to the Little Hall basement to see if you can find the legendary Danny DeVito shrine. Overcoming adversity with the blessings of the all-father is a great way to forge lasting relationships.
1. Get a free flu shot together from CVS. The best way to show your love is to stay safe! Remember to cover your cough, Tigers!
Lauren Owens and Ayushmaan Kher are newly-minted Humor writers who live by the Valentine’s Day motto “Coaches don’t play.”