SATIRE: “Excuse me,” one sophomore asked Quaid, believing him to be a production assistant. “Could you take a photo of me and Matt Damon?”
SATIRE: “Excuse me,” one sophomore asked Quaid, believing him to be a production assistant. “Could you take a photo of me and Matt Damon?”
SATIRE: At press time, half of the Class of 2025 was cringing at every vibration coming from the nightstand.
SATIRE: At press time, half of the Class of 2025 was cringing at every vibration coming from the nightstand.
SATIRE: A shift in tone from “Moving Up without Losing Your Way,” University President Christopher Eisgruber ’83 announced the Class of 2026 pre-read will be Dr. Seuss’s “Oh, the Places You’ll Go.”
SATIRE: A shift in tone from “Moving Up without Losing Your Way,” University President Christopher Eisgruber ’83 announced the Class of 2026 pre-read will be Dr. Seuss’s “Oh, the Places You’ll Go.”
SATIRE: “You forget to say ‘bless you’ when someone sneezes, and suddenly you’re on a flight home,” one anonymous student said.
SATIRE: “You forget to say ‘bless you’ when someone sneezes, and suddenly you’re on a flight home,” one anonymous student said.
SATIRE: This new training would also support a new Center for Viewpoint Diversity, which would “innovatively foster the study of such oppressed disciplines as classics and jurisprudence,” according to the task force’s press release.
SATIRE: This new training would also support a new Center for Viewpoint Diversity, which would “innovatively foster the study of such oppressed disciplines as classics and jurisprudence,” according to the task force’s press release.
SATIRE: “I drew the two little lines on my graph and it says we should just keep increasing prices until students simply stop demanding isolation housing,” said Eno Vative ’25
SATIRE: “I drew the two little lines on my graph and it says we should just keep increasing prices until students simply stop demanding isolation housing,” said Eno Vative ’25
SATIRE: We at The Daily PrintsAnything have compiled a list for the hopeless romantics among us this Valentines’ Day.
SATIRE: We at The Daily PrintsAnything have compiled a list for the hopeless romantics among us this Valentines’ Day.
SATIRE: “I was literally about to ask him to grab a meal,” one student in the precept told The Daily PrintsAnything. “But after yesterday’s precept, I never want to see him actively eating or drinking again.”
SATIRE: “I was literally about to ask him to grab a meal,” one student in the precept told The Daily PrintsAnything. “But after yesterday’s precept, I never want to see him actively eating or drinking again.”
SATIRE: Starting in the Fall 2022 semester, classes like MAT 002: Counting by Fives, COS 026: Making Folders in Google Drive, and CWR 002: Intro to Complete Sentences will be available for all undergraduates.
SATIRE: Starting in the Fall 2022 semester, classes like MAT 002: Counting by Fives, COS 026: Making Folders in Google Drive, and CWR 002: Intro to Complete Sentences will be available for all undergraduates.
SATIRE: Princeton construction crews have been advised to replace all campus concrete sidewalks with slip-and-slide-style pathways. This project follows the recently adopted Princeton construction maxim: “If it ain’t broke, fix it.”
SATIRE: Princeton construction crews have been advised to replace all campus concrete sidewalks with slip-and-slide-style pathways. This project follows the recently adopted Princeton construction maxim: “If it ain’t broke, fix it.”
SATIRE: One Princeton official told the ‘Prints’ that the University was surprised to learn 42 percent of students indicated that they were somewhat or strongly “in their feels.”
SATIRE: One Princeton official told the ‘Prints’ that the University was surprised to learn 42 percent of students indicated that they were somewhat or strongly “in their feels.”
SATIRE: Simon says keep the number of people in your room below the square root of the circumferential area of your largest dorm rug. Actually, don’t. Aha gotcha — Simon didn’t say!
SATIRE: Simon says keep the number of people in your room below the square root of the circumferential area of your largest dorm rug. Actually, don’t. Aha gotcha — Simon didn’t say!
SATIRE: All future admissions letters will simply state, “Congratulations! On behalf of Princeton University I am delighted to acknowledge your application.”
SATIRE: All future admissions letters will simply state, “Congratulations! On behalf of Princeton University I am delighted to acknowledge your application.”
SATIRE: Following several students’ concerns about transmissibility among negative and positive roommates isolating in the same space, this new policy aims to provide a COVID-safe space for showering, brushing teeth, and utilizing shared spaces.
SATIRE: Following several students' concerns about transmissibility among negative and positive roommates isolating in the same space, this new policy aims to provide a Covid-safe space for showering, brushing teeth, and utilizing shared spaces.
SATIRE: This change is perfectly timed to impact departmental standing, graduate school acceptances, internships and job applications.
SATIRE: This change is perfectly timed to impact departmental standing, graduate school acceptances, internships and job applications.
