SATIRE: “It’s just a cube made of brick,” the chief architect told the ‘Prints.’
SATIRE: “It’s just a cube made of brick,” the chief architect told the ‘Prints.’
SATIRE: The only rule is that there are no rules.
SATIRE: The only rule is that there are no rules.
SATIRE: A leaked internal memo shows Princeton’s plans for spending the new cash.
SATIRE: A leaked internal memo shows Princeton’s plans for spending the new cash.
SATIRE: “Princeton announced that any applicant with double-legacy status will receive ‘double admission’ — the option of bringing a plus one to Princeton.”
SATIRE: “Princeton announced that any applicant with double-legacy status will receive ‘double admission’ — the option of bringing a plus one to Princeton.”
SATIRE: For those wishing to join McCosh, the club has announced that bicker starts in early January.
SATIRE: For those wishing to join McCosh, the club has announced that bicker starts in early January.
SATIRE: “They simply dodge when we try to step on them,“ said STOMP president Eistud Yebugs ’25.
SATIRE: “They simply dodge when we try to step on them,“ said STOMP president Eistud Yebugs ’25.
SATIRE: “Times are changing pretty fast and stuff, so the board thought it best to give the next generation of Princetonians, 50 years from now, some opportunity to revisit and clean up the University’s legacy a little bit. Just in case,” Eisgruber wrote.
SATIRE: “Times are changing pretty fast and stuff, so the board thought it best to give the next generation of Princetonians, 50 years from now, some opportunity to revisit and clean up the University’s legacy a little bit. Just in case,” Eisgruber wrote.
SATIRE: “Truly, the new path to better mental wellbeing isn't therapy, or even mindfulness,” a University spokesperson said. “It's Yahtzee.”
SATIRE: “Truly, the new path to better mental wellbeing isn't therapy, or even mindfulness,” a University spokesperson said. “It's Yahtzee.”
Satire: The University has formed a committee, a subcommittee, and a working group that will take Manabe’s work into consideration in deciding whether to make a divestment plan one of these days.
Satire: The University has formed a committee, a subcommittee, and a working group that will take Manabe’s work into consideration in deciding whether to make a divestment plan one of these days.
Satire: The Band recommends placing orders as soon as possible, as requests for popular campus figures like That Guy Who Has Been Hacking Up a Lung in The Back of Your 200-Person Lecture and any res college staff members who still use the phrase “unprecedented times” may fill up quickly.
Satire: The Band recommends placing orders as soon as possible, as requests for popular campus figures like That Guy Who Has Been Hacking Up a Lung in The Back of Your 200-Person Lecture and any res college staff members who still use the phrase “unprecedented times” may fill up quickly.
The Daily Princetonian apologizes for the publication of this piece.
The Daily Princetonian apologizes for the publication of this piece.
“We’re trying to weed out the kids who ‘could have been happy anywhere,’“ said Dean of Admission Karen Richardson ’93.
“We’re trying to weed out the kids who ‘could have been happy anywhere,’“ said Dean of Admission Karen Richardson ’93.
The Safer Sexpo made headlines last year for its sex toy giveaway, and continues giving out “goodie bags” filled with condoms and lube. Anscombe felt a similar giveaway system would help engage first-years, but opted to raffle chastity belts instead.
The Safer Sexpo made headlines last year for its sex toy giveaway, and continues giving out “goodie bags” filled with condoms and lube. Anscombe felt a similar giveaway system would help engage first-years, but opted to raffle chastity belts instead.
“If you really think about it, we killed him. With like, technology and iPhones and stuff. It's depressing shit, man!”
“If you really think about it, we killed him. With like, technology and iPhones and stuff. It's depressing shit, man!”
