Humor

Nassau Hall to be picked up, walked around campus, and dropped back off

HUMOR: President Christopher Eisgruber ’83 told the Daily PrintsAnything that he is “excited to wave out at onlookers from his office window and reconnect with the charm of the Princeton campus.” 

HUMOR: President Christopher Eisgruber ’83 told the Daily PrintsAnything that he is “excited to wave out at onlookers from his office window and reconnect with the charm of the Princeton campus.” 

University responds to postdocs’ protest, raises minimum salary by 7,000 Paw Points

HUMOR: “I just had my second kid. Now, instead of being able to buy formula, I can either feed a Junbi matcha latte or Thomas Sweet melted vanilla ice cream to my infant child. Great.”

HUMOR: “I just had my second kid. Now, instead of being able to buy formula, I can either feed a Junbi matcha latte or Thomas Sweet melted vanilla ice cream to my infant child. Great.”

Honor Committee forms subcommittee to investigate cheating in relationships

HUMOR: In a wholesale approach to the cheating “epidemic” on campus, administrators have approved a new subcommittee of the Honor Committee to investigate and punish students who cheat on their significant others. 

HUMOR: In a wholesale approach to the cheating “epidemic” on campus, administrators have approved a new subcommittee of the Honor Committee to investigate and punish students who cheat on their significant others. 

Long Live Wilcox! Community members gather in memory of Wilcox dining hall

HUMOR: “Despite its passing, Wilcox Hall’s legacy will live on. Its absence will be felt by all who knew it, and its memory will be cherished for years to come. Or at least weeks. Long live the refined Wilcox Pizza. Long live the illustrious Wilcox Salad Bar. Long live the supple Wilcox Chicken. You shall never be forgotten.”

HUMOR: “Despite its passing, Wilcox Hall’s legacy will live on. Its absence will be felt by all who knew it, and its memory will be cherished for years to come. Or at least weeks. Long live the refined Wilcox Pizza. Long live the illustrious Wilcox Salad Bar. Long live the supple Wilcox Chicken. You shall never be forgotten.”

A review of some of this year’s new Wintersession courses

HUMOR: Over the course of five days, Princeton played host to the third annual Competitive Meditation Competition, where people from around the world competed in various events, demonstrating incredible feats of spiritual enlightenment.

HUMOR: Over the course of five days, Princeton played host to the third annual Competitive Meditation Competition, where people from around the world competed in various events, demonstrating incredible feats of spiritual enlightenment.

HumOrpinion: University should divert all funding to Wintersession

HUMOR: What’s not to love? Where else am I able to watch a movie from the early 2000s on a large blow-up screen on the cold, wet ground outside the building where I failed my math exam?

HUMOR: What’s not to love? Where else am I able to watch a movie from the early 2000s on a large blow-up screen on the cold, wet ground outside the building where I failed my math exam?

Department of Comparative Literature continues to compare literature

HUMOR:  Founded in 1920 with a donation from eccentric billionaire John D. Rockefeller Jr., the Department of Comparative Literature’s mission is to “compare works of literature on the basis of size, weight, taste, flammability, and any other observable characteristic you can imagine.”

HUMOR:  Founded in 1920 with a donation from eccentric billionaire John D. Rockefeller Jr., the Department of Comparative Literature’s mission is to “compare works of literature on the basis of size, weight, taste, flammability, and any other observable characteristic you can imagine.”

TigerAlert: Man wields blowtorch in front of crowd of students outside Firestone Library

HUMOR: Thirty minutes later, another TigerAlert was issued: “The entrance to Firestone Library has been cleared. Students may continue attempting to avoid academic mediocrity as they see fit.”

HUMOR: Thirty minutes later, another TigerAlert was issued: “The entrance to Firestone Library has been cleared. Students may continue attempting to avoid academic mediocrity as they see fit.”

Another Cinderella story: In search of the girl who left her medium Whitman jacket at Quad

HUMOR | I met the love of my life last week. We bumped into each other getting beer and then proceeded to spend the entire night talking, dancing, laughing. She was beautiful. At least I think she was. It was really dark.

HUMOR | I met the love of my life last week. We bumped into each other getting beer and then proceeded to spend the entire night talking, dancing, laughing. She was beautiful. At least I think she was. It was really dark.

Inspired by Sen. Kyrsten Sinema’s courage, Princeton student drops class after failing exam

HUMOR: Gilmore described his decision as based on principle, and not having anything to do with him getting a 19 percent on his last exam, which is also Senator Sinema’s favorability rating among likely Democratic primary voters.

HUMOR: Gilmore described his decision as based on principle, and not having anything to do with him getting a 19 percent on his last exam, which is also Senator Sinema’s favorability rating among likely Democratic primary voters.

Hobson College designed ugly enough to dissuade photo shoots

HUMOR: Architecture student Archie Teck ’23 said, “The contrast between the gothic style of Patton Hall and the neo-brutalist style of Hobson speaks profoundly about the division we see in the world today. It truly speaks to the modern age.”

HUMOR: Architecture student Archie Teck ’23 said, “The contrast between the gothic style of Patton Hall and the neo-brutalist style of Hobson speaks profoundly about the division we see in the world today. It truly speaks to the modern age.”

CDC concerned with rise of a cappella groups on campus

HUMOR: “Our concern is that the virus could mutate,” University Health Services said in an emailed statement. “It starts with an increase in a cappella groups, but then they become glee clubs. Before you know it, your campus is overrun with barbershop quartets.”

HUMOR: “Our concern is that the virus could mutate,” University Health Services said in an emailed statement. “It starts with an increase in a cappella groups, but then they become glee clubs. Before you know it, your campus is overrun with barbershop quartets.”

TigerHub celebrates 150th anniversary

HUMOR: At the time of TigerHub’s founding, students originally had no say in the courses they took at Princeton. Undergraduates followed a set curriculum that included courses like Predictive Eschatology, Marital Discipline, and Math for Masculine Men. These courses were discontinued in 1873, 1920, and 2018, respectively.

HUMOR: At the time of TigerHub’s founding, students originally had no say in the courses they took at Princeton. Undergraduates followed a set curriculum that included courses like Predictive Eschatology, Marital Discipline, and Math for Masculine Men. These courses were discontinued in 1873, 1920, and 2018, respectively.

Administration warns students: ‘Please stop eating the ivy on Nassau Hall’

HUMOR: “We understand that dining hall food may not be fulfilling and that eating pieces of campus is a sure way to take some ownership of your undergraduate experience, but we must ask that you refrain from nibbling on the vines of our hallowed hall,” the email said.

HUMOR: “We understand that dining hall food may not be fulfilling and that eating pieces of campus is a sure way to take some ownership of your undergraduate experience, but we must ask that you refrain from nibbling on the vines of our hallowed hall,” the email said.

Student developers to release new TigerApp: TigerTiger

HUMOR: “I’m really excited to have it all in one place,” said Daniel Tiger ’25, “since it usually becomes a hassle having to watch the San Diego Zoo TigerCam on one tab while I watch Tiger King on another.”

HUMOR: “I’m really excited to have it all in one place,” said Daniel Tiger ’25, “since it usually becomes a hassle having to watch the San Diego Zoo TigerCam on one tab while I watch Tiger King on another.”

Princeton builds wells

HUMOR: Princeton builds wells. A photo essay documenting the latest campus construction.

HUMOR: Princeton builds wells. A photo essay documenting the latest campus construction.

Pass/D/Fail replaced with Pretty Darn Funny option, allowing students to pass by making professor giggle

HUMOR: This change is meant to reward students who take classes purely for entertainment, students who go into class with the sole purpose of befriending their instructors, and students who perform so badly that their professors snort in surprise and concern.

HUMOR: This change is meant to reward students who take classes purely for entertainment, students who go into class with the sole purpose of befriending their instructors, and students who perform so badly that their professors snort in surprise and concern.

Midterm emotional support dogs refuse to come back for finals: “It’s just too damn much”

HUMOR: “Yes, it’s technically our job to be pet by humans, but it’s just too damn much. All this touching, it just feels invasive. Our bodies aren’t being respected,” said Charles, a sophisticated and well-groomed borzoi.”

HUMOR: “Yes, it’s technically our job to be pet by humans, but it’s just too damn much. All this touching, it just feels invasive. Our bodies aren’t being respected,” said Charles, a sophisticated and well-groomed borzoi.”

A Lot On Your Plate

Survey suggests 15% of seniors are just two first-years in a trenchcoat

HUMOR: The survey was released following rising suspicions of these “pseudo-seniors.” Individuals in trenchcoats were seen sneaking into eating clubs, while repeatedly shouting the word “thesis” in order to blend in.

HUMOR: The survey was released following rising suspicions of these “pseudo-seniors.” Individuals in trenchcoats were seen sneaking into eating clubs, while repeatedly shouting the word “thesis” in order to blend in.