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Liana Slomka

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Guyot Hall dinosaur to switch major to COS

guyot dinosaur cos

Guyot Hall dinosaur to switch major to COS

Liana Slomka and Spencer Bauman
| HUMOR | 05/07/2023

HUMOR: “I mean I’ll be more employable than … what do you even call them? Ecologyists? Evolutionarists? Geoscientists? Those all sound like made up jobs, I mean, I stand around them all day, and I’ve never once heard any of them talk about anything that seemed important. Just ‘conservation’ this and ‘natural disasters’ that,” Arnold the Allosaurus said.

HUMOR: “I mean I’ll be more employable than … what do you even call them? Ecologyists? Evolutionarists? Geoscientists? Those all sound like made up jobs, I mean, I stand around them all day, and I’ve never once heard any of them talk about anything that seemed important. Just ‘conservation’ this and ‘natural disasters’ that,” Arnold the Allosaurus said.

Princeton student makes it big on the Hill

U.S Capitol Riot - Jan 6

Princeton student makes it big on the Hill

Liana Slomka
| HUMOR | 04/19/2023

HUMOR: University spokesperson Paul Ittiks said, “We are thrilled to see a member of our community speaking up for his beliefs, and even more excited to see a Princeton undergrad who truly believes his voice matters and that he is working in the nation’s service.”

HUMOR: University spokesperson Paul Ittiks said, “We are thrilled to see a member of our community speaking up for his beliefs, and even more excited to see a Princeton undergrad who truly believes his voice matters and that he is working in the nation’s service.”

‘Who does Maria Ressa think she is?’: Students react to pre-read announcement

Maria Ressa in the newsroom

‘Who does Maria Ressa think she is?’: Students react to pre-read announcement

Liana Slomka, Spencer Bauman, and Sophia Varughese
| HUMOR | 04/19/2023

HUMOR: “She co-founded Rappler? Well, I write a lifestyle blog about the barbaric politics of Brooklyn private high schools. Who the f*** does she think she is?”

HUMOR: “She co-founded Rappler? Well, I write a lifestyle blog about the barbaric politics of Brooklyn private high schools. Who the f*** does she think she is?”

Thesis Fairies facing extinction due to lack of faith

thesis fairies

Thesis Fairies facing extinction due to lack of faith

Liana Slomka
| HUMOR | 04/02/2023

HUMOR: “The metamorphoses amongst the seniors make me feel crestfallen,” said Honeyblossom, who was close friends with her assigned senior prior to becoming his Thesis Fairy. “He used to be brimming with joy and optimism. His smile could make butterflies dance on a misty day. But now, he’s holed up either in his room or at the E-Quad or the Firestone C floor, and I fear I’ll never hear his magnificent laugh again!”

HUMOR: “The metamorphoses amongst the seniors make me feel crestfallen,” said Honeyblossom, who was close friends with her assigned senior prior to becoming his Thesis Fairy. “He used to be brimming with joy and optimism. His smile could make butterflies dance on a misty day. But now, he’s holed up either in his room or at the E-Quad or the Firestone C floor, and I fear I’ll never hear his magnificent laugh again!”

'We wanted to reduce stress for everyone involved:' Bicker conducted through TigerHub-style platform

A pole with a street sign that says “Prospect Ave.”

'We wanted to reduce stress for everyone involved:' Bicker conducted through TigerHub-style platform

Liana Slomka
| HUMOR | 02/09/2023

HUMOR: “This way, sophomores only need to worry about their wifi connection. Of course, once they select a club, the club members still need to decide whether to accept them, based only on their prox picture.”

HUMOR: “This way, sophomores only need to worry about their wifi connection. Of course, once they select a club, the club members still need to decide whether to accept them, based only on their prox picture.”

HumOrpinion: University should divert all funding to Wintersession

wintersession page

HumOrpinion: University should divert all funding to Wintersession

Liana Slomka and Spencer Bauman
| HUMOR | 01/25/2023

HUMOR: What’s not to love? Where else am I able to watch a movie from the early 2000s on a large blow-up screen on the cold, wet ground outside the building where I failed my math exam?

HUMOR: What’s not to love? Where else am I able to watch a movie from the early 2000s on a large blow-up screen on the cold, wet ground outside the building where I failed my math exam?

TigerAlert: Man wields blowtorch in front of crowd of students outside Firestone Library

Screenshot 2022-12-18 at 5.51.28 PM.png

TigerAlert: Man wields blowtorch in front of crowd of students outside Firestone Library

Liana Slomka and Spencer Bauman
| HUMOR | 12/18/2022

HUMOR: Thirty minutes later, another TigerAlert was issued: “The entrance to Firestone Library has been cleared. Students may continue attempting to avoid academic mediocrity as they see fit.”

HUMOR: Thirty minutes later, another TigerAlert was issued: “The entrance to Firestone Library has been cleared. Students may continue attempting to avoid academic mediocrity as they see fit.”

Another Cinderella story: In search of the girl who left her medium Whitman jacket at Quad

whitman jacket

Another Cinderella story: In search of the girl who left her medium Whitman jacket at Quad

Liana Slomka
| HUMOR | 12/13/2022

HUMOR | I met the love of my life last week. We bumped into each other getting beer and then proceeded to spend the entire night talking, dancing, laughing. She was beautiful. At least I think she was. It was really dark.

HUMOR | I met the love of my life last week. We bumped into each other getting beer and then proceeded to spend the entire night talking, dancing, laughing. She was beautiful. At least I think she was. It was really dark.

Administration warns students: ‘Please stop eating the ivy on Nassau Hall’

Nassau Hall front facade

Administration warns students: ‘Please stop eating the ivy on Nassau Hall’

Liana Slomka
| HUMOR | 12/05/2022

HUMOR: “We understand that dining hall food may not be fulfilling and that eating pieces of campus is a sure way to take some ownership of your undergraduate experience, but we must ask that you refrain from nibbling on the vines of our hallowed hall,” the email said.

HUMOR: “We understand that dining hall food may not be fulfilling and that eating pieces of campus is a sure way to take some ownership of your undergraduate experience, but we must ask that you refrain from nibbling on the vines of our hallowed hall,” the email said.

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