The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
Five undergraduates and their professor died in a fire while attending French class on Monday. Professor Bovary’s French class was watching the 2013 French erotic drama “Blue Is the Warmest Colour” on the top floor of East Pyne when smoke started to fill their classroom.
Witnesses reported they heard students screaming out the window for help, followed by shouts of “en français, s'il vous plaît!” Calls to 911 were ineffective as the students mistakenly used the indefinite article to describe the fire.
Surveying the scene, firefighters found letters the students wrote to their families, all in basic French, which consisted mostly of them stating what time it was, describing the food they would like to order at a cafe, and listing various colors.
As a tribute to the deceased students, the French Department has decided to posthumously award them all a B+ for their participation grade.
Princeton is considering loosening procedures to allow students to use Google Translate when speaking with emergency responders. The chair of the French Department gave a statement to The Daily PrintsAnything, which we hope to print once our writers learn the French past conditional tense.
Sam McComb is an associate Humor editor. He was once imprisoned in North Korea but was promptly released once he described his various dietary restrictions.