Humor

History majors push Princeton to boycott the construction industry

SATIRE: PSH will be hosting a critical screening of the animated series “Bob the Builder” in McCosh 50 tomorrow to garner support for their movement. Following the discussion of how Bob perpetuates pro-construction ideals, PSH members will convene at Poe Field and shout at the new residential colleges.

SATIRE: PSH will be hosting a critical screening of the animated series “Bob the Builder” in McCosh 50 tomorrow to garner support for their movement. Following the discussion of how Bob perpetuates pro-construction ideals, PSH members will convene at Poe Field and shout at the new residential colleges.

Let’s Get This Degree

Princeton to interview parents in upcoming application cycle

SATIRE: Students have also been advised not to write their parents’ supplement for them, and the Office of Admission has noted “we will be able to tell if they do.”

SATIRE: Students have also been advised not to write their parents’ supplement for them, and the Office of Admission has noted “we will be able to tell if they do.”

I am the staffer stuck in 48 University Place. Please help.

SATIRE: Once, I believed, as we all did, in the power of satire to enact change. No more. This is the end. Now I know that the only power of satire is to provoke more satire, more satire which nobody reads . . . 

SATIRE: Once, I believed, as we all did, in the power of satire to enact change. No more. This is the end. Now I know that the only power of satire is to provoke more satire, more satire which nobody reads . . . 

Student to return from semester abroad feeling, like, totally transformed

SATIRE: Myblog ’23 will rejoin campus with a perfect monopoly on worldly knowledge.

SATIRE: Myblog ’23 will rejoin campus with a perfect monopoly on worldly knowledge.

Princetonian Kryptonite

Box Food

Report: They're still talking in the GroupMe

SATIRE: At press time, half of the Class of 2025 was cringing at every vibration coming from the nightstand.

SATIRE: At press time, half of the Class of 2025 was cringing at every vibration coming from the nightstand.

University announces Class of 2026 pre-read “Oh, the Places You’ll Go”

SATIRE: A shift in tone from “Moving Up without Losing Your Way,” University President Christopher Eisgruber ’83 announced the Class of 2026 pre-read will be Dr. Seuss’s “Oh, the Places You’ll Go.” 

SATIRE: A shift in tone from “Moving Up without Losing Your Way,” University President Christopher Eisgruber ’83 announced the Class of 2026 pre-read will be Dr. Seuss’s “Oh, the Places You’ll Go.” 

Break^2

Riddle

Princeton reallocates COVID-19 resources to enforce campus ‘compassion mandate’

SATIRE: “You forget to say ‘bless you’ when someone sneezes, and suddenly you’re on a flight home,” one anonymous student said. 

SATIRE: “You forget to say ‘bless you’ when someone sneezes, and suddenly you’re on a flight home,” one anonymous student said. 

Viewpoint Diversity USG Task Force advocates anti-antiracist training

SATIRE: This new training would also support a new Center for Viewpoint Diversity, which would “innovatively foster the study of such oppressed disciplines as classics and jurisprudence,” according to the task force’s press release.

SATIRE: This new training would also support a new Center for Viewpoint Diversity, which would “innovatively foster the study of such oppressed disciplines as classics and jurisprudence,” according to the task force’s press release.

ECO 100 frosh's solution to isolation housing shortage: price gouging

SATIRE: “I drew the two little lines on my graph and it says we should just keep increasing prices until students simply stop demanding isolation housing,” said Eno Vative ’25

SATIRE: “I drew the two little lines on my graph and it says we should just keep increasing prices until students simply stop demanding isolation housing,” said Eno Vative ’25

Cold?

Wheel of Spring Misfortune

Black History Month

8 ways to ask out your crush this Valentine's Day

SATIRE: We at The Daily PrintsAnything have compiled a list for the hopeless romantics among us this Valentines’ Day.

SATIRE: We at The Daily PrintsAnything have compiled a list for the hopeless romantics among us this Valentines’ Day.

Devastating: Precept crush not actually that hot without a mask

SATIRE: “I was literally about to ask him to grab a meal,” one student in the precept told The Daily PrintsAnything. “But after yesterday’s precept, I never want to see him actively eating or drinking again.”

SATIRE: “I was literally about to ask him to grab a meal,” one student in the precept told The Daily PrintsAnything. “But after yesterday’s precept, I never want to see him actively eating or drinking again.”

Dirty Snow