This past week, the University announced that Aleksa Milojević ’23 and Annabelle Duval ’23 have been named valedictorian and salutatorian for the Class of 2023. Included in this announcement is naming of the defictorian, defined as the student with the lowest GPA. The term valedictorian is derived from the latin word “valedīcere” meaning “to say goodbye.”
Meanwhile, the term defictorian is derived from the latin word “deficere” meaning “to fail.”
This year’s defictorian is Brody Lachey ’23, son of Love is Blind Host Nick Lachey, more widely known by his SoundCloud rapper name “Magna Pila Sacci,” which is Latin for “large ball sack.”
Lachey told The Daily PrintsAnything that he was particularly excited to be named defictorian. “I’ve always wanted to be known for my brick-like sh*ts.”
While the salutatorian address is traditionally given in Latin, the defictorian delivers a speech in pig latin. Lachey first gained proficiency in this language in third grade, and has been practicing his pig latin throughout his time at Princeton, to the chagrin of his professors.
Lachey is an independent concentrator in Linguistics. He told the ‘Prints’ his only reason for declaring this major was so he could refer to himself as a “cunning linguist,“ despite the fact he has yet to find the clit. Lachey hails from Naples, Fla., which is apparent from his beachwear clothing and the scent of Axe body spray.
Lachey also dedicates his time at Princeton to creating important change in the University community. In his spare time, he founded a group called “TigerTransit,” which advocated to drive a real tiger around campus. Lachey was also a regular in the ceramics studio, before being asked to leave due to his crude artwork.
Lachey’s GPA is currently a 3.50.
Caroline Rasmussen is a member of the class of 2026 and a contributing Humor writer. She has decided to start practicing pig latin, just in case.
Sophia Varughese is an associate Humor editor. Her high school superlative was “most likely to eat a significant other’s hair.” They were right.
Sam McComb is an associate Humor editor. He is the reason his RCA is taking a gap year.