Try our latest crossword
Listen to Daybreak for the day’s biggest stories
Check out the Frosh Survey results

Satire

Students urge the University to divest fully from fossil fuels in a Sep. 24 sit-in at Nassau Hall.
Candace Do / The Daily Princetonian

U. celebrates Nobel laureate climate scientist Syukuro Manabe, announces plans to consider divestment in like, four decades

Satire: The University has formed a committee, a subcommittee, and a working group that will take Manabe’s work into consideration in deciding whether to make a divestment plan one of these days.

Satire: The University has formed a committee, a subcommittee, and a working group that will take Manabe’s work into consideration in deciding whether to make a divestment plan one of these days.

SATIRE | 4 days ago

Princeton Band at a tailgate in New Haven prior to a Princeton-Yale football game.
“Princeton Band At The Tailgate” by Joe Shlabotnik / CC-SA 2.0

Band to offer midterm hit-grams

Satire: The Band recommends placing orders as soon as possible, as requests for popular campus figures like That Guy Who Has Been Hacking Up a Lung in The Back of Your 200-Person Lecture and any res college staff members who still use the phrase “unprecedented times” may fill up quickly.

Satire: The Band recommends placing orders as soon as possible, as requests for popular campus figures like That Guy Who Has Been Hacking Up a Lung in The Back of Your 200-Person Lecture and any res college staff members who still use the phrase “unprecedented times” may fill up quickly.

SATIRE | 4 days ago

José Pablo Fernández García / The Daily Princetonian

Anscombe Society hosts the Don’t-Have-Sexpo

The Safer Sexpo made headlines last year for its sex toy giveaway, and continues giving out “goodie bags” filled with condoms and lube. Anscombe felt a similar giveaway system would help engage first-years, but opted to raffle chastity belts instead.

The Safer Sexpo made headlines last year for its sex toy giveaway, and continues giving out “goodie bags” filled with condoms and lube. Anscombe felt a similar giveaway system would help engage first-years, but opted to raffle chastity belts instead.

SATIRE | September 28

ADVERTISEMENT
Tiger Inn, one of the Eating Clubs on Prospect Avenue. 
Ethan McAlpine / The Daily Princetonian

Eating clubs to require PUID, positive COVID-19 test for entry

"'We want to be sure that our parties are safe and responsible,' said a spokesperson for the ICC. 'So from now on, we will only be admitting students who have tested positive within the last 48 hours.'"

“We want to be sure that our parties are safe and responsible,” said a spokesperson for the ICC. “So from now on, we will only be admitting students who have tested positive within the last 48 hours.” 

SATIRE | September 27

Harsimran Makkad / The Daily Princetonian

Class years call for ‘unity’ after lobbying to keep each other off campus

Despite previously petitioning to keep each other off campus, first years, sophomores, juniors, and seniors are calling for “unity” in light of the University’s announcement that all students will be invited back this spring.

Despite previously petitioning to keep each other off campus, first years, sophomores, juniors, and seniors are calling for “unity” in light of the University’s announcement that all students will be invited back this spring.

SATIRE | November 30

Sydney Peng / The Daily Princetonian

Honor Committee opts for ‘trial by ordeal’ system

The trials will closely resemble the three traditional medieval ordeals: ordeal by hot water, cold water, and hot iron. The severity of accusation will determine which trial the student is subjected to.

The trials will closely resemble the three traditional medieval ordeals: ordeal by hot water, cold water, and hot iron. The severity of accusation will determine which trial the student is subjected to.

SATIRE | November 30

Ambri Ma / The Daily Princetonian

Princeton trustees unanimously vote to ban Among Us, Skribbl.io, and Kahoot

Students enrolled in undergraduate or graduate programs must refrain from playing Among Us, Skribbl.io, or Kahoot, according to a recent announcement. It is unclear how this will impact the recently-renamed “Among Us clubs” (formerly known as “eating clubs”).

Students enrolled in undergraduate or graduate programs must refrain from playing Among Us, Skribbl.io, or Kahoot, according to a recent announcement. It is unclear how this will impact the recently-renamed “Among Us clubs” (formerly known as “eating clubs”).

SATIRE | November 30

Several hand-made bumper stickers sent from Dean of the College Jill Dolan to families of students who regularly attend Entryways programming
StockSnap / Pixabay and Zachary Shevin / The Daily Princetonian

Entryways Program finishes semester strong with five total colloquium attendees

Dean of the College Jill Dolan, told The Daily PrincetOnion that, in addition to colloquium being on her list of the “top thirty most fun words to say,” she hoped the catchy title of “Entryways: First Year Academic Experience Community Colloquium” would entice students. 

Dean of the College Jill Dolan, told The Daily PrincetOnion that, in addition to colloquium being on her list of the “top thirty most fun words to say,” she hoped the catchy title of “Entryways: First Year Academic Experience Community Colloquium” would entice students. 

SATIRE | November 30

The petition, spearheaded by Chad Rogers ‘23 of upstate New York, calls for drastic alterations in course scheduling to accommodate domestic students. 

Jealous of the international student experience, East Coast residents call for 4 a.m. classes

A recently-circulated petition calls for an increase of classes offered from 1 to 3 a.m. EST, office hours from 4 a.m. onwards, and USG movie nights at 8 a.m. 

A recently-circulated petition calls for an increase of classes offered from 1 to 3 am EST, office hours from 4 am onwards, and USG movie nights at 8 am. 

SATIRE | November 30

A photo of the new TigerHub interface.

TigerHub’s new story feature breaks within hours

The new feature, which has sparked much discussion among students, is more social than administrative, allowing students to share pictures and videos via Instagram and Snapchat story-like clips. 

The new feature, which has sparked much discussion among students, is more social than administrative, allowing students to share pictures and videos via Instagram and Snapchat story-like clips. 

SATIRE | November 30