HUMOR: The survey was released following rising suspicions of these “pseudo-seniors.” Individuals in trenchcoats were seen sneaking into eating clubs, while repeatedly shouting the word “thesis” in order to blend in.
HUMOR: The survey was released following rising suspicions of these “pseudo-seniors.” Individuals in trenchcoats were seen sneaking into eating clubs, while repeatedly shouting the word “thesis” in order to blend in.
HUMOR: Erker explained that while hundreds of application essays led the University to believe that most of its students were “activists” and “strong participants in democracy,” Vote100 recognizes that “the need to put any effort into the voting process has put many students off.”
HUMOR: Erker explained that while hundreds of application essays led the University to believe that most of its students were “activists” and “strong participants in democracy,” Vote100 recognizes that “the need to put any effort into the voting process has put many students off.”
HUMOR: The Princeton Wawa will be renamed in honor of Chip N. Pretsel ’24, who survived all four years at Princeton subsisting on nothing but Flaming Hot Cheetos and Arizona Iced Tea purchased from Wawa. Pretsel is also the namesake of Princeton Medical Center’s new kidney transplant center.
HUMOR: The Princeton Wawa will be renamed in honor of Chip N. Pretsel ’24, who survived all four years at Princeton subsisting on nothing but Flaming Hot Cheetos and Arizona Iced Tea purchased from Wawa. Pretsel is also the namesake of Princeton Medical Center’s new kidney transplant center.
HUMOR: “It’s quite simple,” said Richardson. “You make a small incision on your pinky finger, recite the Oath of a Thousand Forbidden Serpents, and pledge your soul to Princeton for eternity.”
HUMOR: “It’s quite simple,” said Richardson. “You make a small incision on your pinky finger, recite the Oath of a Thousand Forbidden Serpents, and pledge your soul to Princeton for eternity.”
HUMOR: Bezos College: You will be admitted to Princeton in the year 2025.
HUMOR: Bezos College: You will be admitted to Princeton in the year 2025.
Union organizers hope to secure new and improved living arrangements in Butler College for displaced cockroaches as soon as possible; however, fears loom around possible retaliation from University officials.
Union organizers hope to secure new and improved living arrangements in Butler College for displaced cockroaches as soon as possible; however, fears loom around possible retaliation from University officials.
HUMOR: “After hearing of their transformative effects on mental health, we hope that the new influx of students tripping balls will reduce the depression that reportedly 100 percent of the University's undergraduate population experiences,” a University source said.
HUMOR: “After hearing of their transformative effects on mental health, we hope that the new influx of students tripping balls will reduce the depression that reportedly 100 percent of the University's undergraduate population experiences,” a University source said.
HUMOR: “We really wanted to go for all six Nobels this year, so we went ahead and awarded a couple blank degrees. Someone can fill the names in later,” said University trustee Rez Ume Pecker ’20.
HUMOR: “We really wanted to go for all six Nobels this year, so we went ahead and awarded a couple blank degrees. Someone can fill the names in later,” said University trustee Rez Ume Pecker ’20.
HUMOR: Forbes College resident Ann Nex ’26 said she feels “thoroughly entertained” by the series of swinging blades that she must carefully hop through on her way past the Lewis Arts Complex.
HUMOR: Forbes College resident Ann Nex ’26 said she feels “thoroughly entertained” by the series of swinging blades that she must carefully hop through on her way past the Lewis Arts Complex.
HUMOR: “It’s just kind of annoying that the old members can at least take credit. All I have to show for my time here is a Google Form and an acceptance email. Is the ‘Prince’ still taking writers? Maybe I can sign up for that instead.”
HUMOR: “It’s just kind of annoying that the old members can at least take credit. All I have to show for my time here is a Google Form and an acceptance email. Is the ‘Prince’ still taking writers? Maybe I can sign up for that instead.”
HUMOR: “Since we accepted way too many first-years, and their rankings really need help, and I was sure that I could get my fist in my mouth, I took the bet. Sadly, I couldn’t do it.”
HUMOR: “Since we accepted way too many freshmen, and their rankings really need help, and I was sure that I could get my fist in my mouth, I took the bet. Sadly, I couldn’t do it.”
HUMOR: “We want you to be aware of some of our new critical resources available to students in isolation, which includes, comprehensively, our Thoughts and Prayers.”
HUMOR: “We want you to be aware of some of our new critical resources available to students in isolation, which includes, comprehensively, our Thoughts and Prayers.”
HUMOR: The University put out a statement in response to the TigerHub rush incident, reaffirming that there is no Greek life on campus and that you should definitely stop looking for it because you’re not going to find anything.
HUMOR: The University put out a statement in response to the TigerHub rush incident, reaffirming that there is no Greek life on campus and that you should definitely stop looking for it because you’re not going to find anything.
HUMOR: Inspired by the long-standing passion of U.S. News readers in the campus community, the University is considering making U.S. News article “10 Fall Decor Ideas From the Pros” next year’s pre-read.
HUMOR: Inspired by the long-standing passion of U.S. News readers in the campus community, the University is considering making U.S. News article “10 Fall Decor Ideas From the Pros” next year’s pre-read.
HUMOR: Where do you summer? (It is essential that you make at least one friend with a boat.)
HUMOR: Where do you summer? (It is essential that you make at least one friend with a boat.)
When confronted with reports that students were squatting on college art pieces, Housing and Real Estate Services responded, “Meh.”
When confronted with reports that students were squatting on college art pieces, Housing and Real Estate Services responded, “Meh.”
Step 1: Burn your masks and a printout of Dean Dolan’s COVID-19 emails, breathing in the smoke to weaken your lungs.
Step 1: Burn your masks and a printout of Dean Dolan’s COVID-19 emails, breathing in the smoke to weaken your lungs.
HUMOR: Since the devices are not able to support cookies, the “Remember me for 90 days” option will not be available, and students will need to sign in with their netID every time.
HUMOR: Since the devices are not able to support cookies, the “Remember me for 90 days” option will not be available, and students will need to sign in with their netID every time.
HUMOR: “I just know that witnessing a world-renowned scientist read the syllabus straight from his slides will set me on the path to an ORFE degree,” said N. Janeer ’26, who will declare Slavic Languages and Literature next semester.
HUMOR: “I just know that witnessing a world-renowned scientist read the syllabus straight from his slides will set me on the path to an ORFE degree,” said N. Janeer ’26, who will declare Slavic Languages and Literature next semester.