The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
Recently, fences surrounding the Hobson College construction were updated to show the vision for the project, eliciting concern from the University community.
Upon the destruction of First College, which was praised by students (and cockroaches) for its comfortable accommodations and breathtaking design, the architects of Hobson College were left with the difficult task of topping perfection. However, when planning the new residential buildings, lead designer Shaw DeFreuden decided to go in a different direction.
“When it boils down to it, I guess my main goal is to make people as sad as humanly possible,” said DeFreuden in an interview with The Daily PrintsAnything. “My only direction from the University was to reduce the number of photographers in the area by any means necessary.”
Student reviews were mixed, with some praising the imaginative design, while others could barely voice their disgust for it.
Architecture student Archie Teck ’23 said, “The contrast between the gothic style of Patton Hall and the neo-brutalist style of Hobson speaks profoundly about the division we see in the world today. It truly speaks to the modern age.”
“Oh god it is so, so ugly,” said Frankie Loidwright ’25. “I want to say something about how it adds a refreshing breath of modernism to the center of campus, but really, it just makes me want to barf.”
Photographers in the Princeton community are lamenting the building plans. Huss Teller, a photographer of weddings, quinceaneras, anniversaries, dates, divorces, baptisms, school dances, and proposals, said he worried that the finished project would “shock and terrify my clients. I might even have to bring them back to the studio with the backdrop. Please don’t make me go back! I can’t go back!”
Vitus Larrieu is a contributing Humor and Podcast writer who has been trapped in his dorm by photographers on at least three occasions. He can be reached at email@example.com.