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Rights Rules and Responsibilities was updated to reflect the prohibition on pirating ‘Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2.’
Photo courtesy of Princeton University Rights Rules and Responsibilities 

Honor Committee adds "pirating 'Paul Blart Mall Cop 2'" to list of crimes punishable by year-long suspension and crippling social exclusion

Henceforth undergraduates will be required to sign a pledge whenever accessing the University WiFi “I pledge my honor that I have not pirated Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, and have no intention of pirating Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2.”

NEWS | 01/07/2020

Senior Witchee Chick was not on campus to see the bat, but noted that she “felt it emotionally.” Courtesy of Wikimedia Commons.

Bat séance planned after students sense creature’s aura in Frist Campus Center

The bat that invaded Frist Campus Center earlier this semester returned to campus on New Year’s Day to haunt undergraduates preparing for finals. Students reported sensing the bat’s aura upon returning to campus for reading week. Undergraduate Student Government has agreed to host a séance on Thursday night for students who wish to venerate the bat in exchange for good luck on their exams. 

NEWS | 01/09/2019

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First bonfire since 2013 draws large crowd at Cannon Green on Sunday, Nov. 18. Photo by Silma Berrada.

New bonfire policy requires all 37 varsity teams to beat Harvard and Yale

With concerns rising over the inclusivity levels of the bonfire tradition, Princeton has updated the requirements to earning a bonfire. With all 37 teams now required to beat Harvard and Yale in the same season, future classes will be able to rejoice at the equality of the event, coupled with the relative ease in earning it.

SATIRE | 01/08/2019

Sophomore Yur Jellus said he was inspired to conduct research only after seeing the many tantalizing funding sources on SAFE. Courtesy of Pexels.com.

Student secures most travel funding ever for single project

Yur Jellus, a sophomore from Lawrenceville, N.J., broke the record for the greatest amount of travel funding for a single independent research project at the University. This summer, the Wilson School concentrator will travel to the dark side of the moon, the bottom of the Pacific Ocean’s Mariana Trench, and the geographic center of Antarctica as part of his academic exploration of “diplomacy through solitude.”

NEWS | 01/08/2019