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Eisgruber '83 to complete Prospect 11*

*This article is part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the internet!*

University President Christopher Eisgruber '83 intends to complete the Prospect 11 by the conclusion of 2017, according to his bucket list obtained by The Daily Princetonian.


The document reveals that since taking office in 2013, Eisgruber has attended nine eating clubs to imbibe the requisite drinks.

Eisgruber goes undercover to avoid being spotted, according to sources close to him. 

One source said that a staff from the University's Office of Communications also travels from club to club with him to ensure that his selfies with drinks at each club are of the highest quality possible.

Date stamps on the photographs, provided to the 'Prince' by the source, show he has spaced these outings out in intervals of approximately four months.

“He has been successful so far,” another anonymous source close to Eisgruber said, “but Chris is afraid he won’t be able to obtain passes to Ivy Club and Tiger Inn.”

Eisgruber tried to solicit passes from various varsity athletes, records show, after growing tired of Cloister Inn and “too many late nights at Terrace,” the source added.


According to the source, every time Eisgruber is denied a pass, he dresses in plaid-on-plaid in loving memory of “legendary Tacky Dress Plaid-on-Plaid party” hosted by the Elm Club, which he belonged to as an undergraduate, and drinks juices at the Carl A. Fields Center for Equality and Understanding, which originally housed the Elm Club.

Other items on Eisgruber's bucket list include getting a BodyHype callback, and getting an A in freshmen physics.

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