Sports

Notre Dame schedules games against sprint team

This article is a part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the Internet.Notre Dame, the traditional Division-I football powerhouse, has scheduled three games of its 2007 season against Princeton's sprint football team."We feel that these games will really give our team a chance to showcase the incredible talent it possesses," Notre Dame athletic director Seamus O'Connell said.

Conway's deal with devil set to expire

This article is a part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the Internet.Amid rampant speculation that his meteoric rise to captain of the men's basketball team was in some way contrived, it has been confirmed that senior forward Justin Conway made a deal with the devil approximately at this time last season.

Wrestling team battles childhood complexes, lose, 46-3

This article is a part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the Internet.Fresh off last week's 28-13 loss at the hands of EIWA rival East Stroudsberg, the wrestling team took to the mat against a tough non-league foe last night in Dillon Gym for its annual meet against the team's collective childhood complexes.Princeton had some early success from freshman Mark Zeigler in the 125-pound division, but the match quickly went downhill, as the wrestler's lost 46-3 to their complexes.The wrestlers have battled their complexes each year since 1985, but have yet to get a victory in the 21-year series."It's a weird dynamic, wrestling with the issues from your subconscious," said senior captain Devon Johnston.

Asset swap OK'd

This article is a part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the Internet.The University will trade 10 spots in the U.S.

Tiger is hung like, er, an even larger mammal

This article is a part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the Internet.In a study released yesterday by University professor Steven Godfrey, it has been shown that the Princeton Tiger is endowed with a 12-inch penis.

Princeton falls to Columbia and Cornell in early setback to Ivy race

If this weekend's games had been one giant exam, the men's basketball team (9-6 overall, 0-2 Ivy League) would be in some pretty hot water with its parents.After losing to Columbia (10-6, 1-1) on Friday night, 64-56, while allowing the most points since the team's season opener, Princeton took the long trip to Cornell (8-8, 1-1) only to be held to a season-low 35 points in a 55-35 loss.That's not an auspicious start to Ivy League play, to say the least."We definitely took a step backwards in terms of results," senior forward Luke Owings said.More worryingly, Princeton broke down on the defensive end of the court in both games ? the part of the team's play that has been its strength all season long.The Tigers let Columbia jump out to an early first-half lead thanks in part to some hot shooting by the Lions.

Cowher drops 66 as Tigers split a pair

The Princeton women's basketball team found itself in murky yet familiar waters Saturday night in Jadwin Gym as it trailed by double digits midway through the second half.But, unlike the previous night when the Tigers rallied from a 13-point deficit to top Columbia 79-73, Princeton's late surge fell just short as Cornell handed the Tigers their first loss in league play with a 70-66 victory.After senior forward Casey Lockwood's layup put Princeton (8-9 overall, 2-1 Ivy League) on top, 66-65, with 48 seconds to play, the Big Red answered with two free throws of its own to take the lead once and for all.

Floaters pull out close win in NYC

Down 14 points with only four events to go against the Lions, the men's swimming and diving team knew one thing: It didn't want to notch a third consecutive loss.The men's swimming and diving team struggled and then sprinted to the finish, barely edging out Columbia, 153-147.

Difficulties continue in loss

Extending its season-long dry spell, the wrestling team dropped another match, 39-6, at East Stroudsburg University (1-6) on Friday.

Overtime goal ends weekend on a high note

If the entire men's hockey season up to this point were condensed into one two-game weekend homestand, then surely we just witnessed it.

Skaters split road trip to stay in thick of ECAC

After a disappointing loss Saturday to Rensselaer, the No. 10 women's hockey team came right back yesterday afternoon with an impressive 5-0 win over Union.Currently No.

Big meet in New York goes well for Princeton

Both the men's and women's indoor track and field teams battled stiff competition Friday at the New Balance Gotham Cup, which featured 2,000 athletes and a field of nearly three dozen opponents, including national powerhouses Texas and Villanova, as well as archrival Harvard.Though the invitational's team results weren't calculated, the Tigers left New York City proud of their performances as a team.

Sports front page

Tigers avenge loss to league's best

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. A cheesy little motto, to be sure, but a true one nonetheless, and the men's hockey team provided a perfect example of this Tuesday night.After the Tigers (8-8-2 overall, 5-6-1 ECAC Hockey) fell to Quinnipiac (10-6-4, 6-3-3), 2-0, on Jan.

Offense explodes for six goals

After four minutes of dominant play, women's hockey could only watch helplessly from the bench as Quinnipiac's Antionette Maldonado toyed with the puck at center ice.

Sports front page

Ohlendorf '05 traded to Yankees in Johnson deal

It's not every day that a baseball player from Princeton is involved in a trade for a soon-to-be Hall-of-Famer.

Tigers drop two more matches

The wrestling team's trip to Durham, N.C., last week ended in disappointment as the team dropped matches to both Duke and Davidson.

Lions, Big Red coming to town this weekend

Focus. It's important for all Princeton students at this time of year but even more so for winter athletes.

Ivy play kicks off on the road for Princeton

After this weekend, critics will no longer be able to dismiss the men's basketball team's hot start by citing weak competition.