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The Daily Princetonian

Cruz '92, Christie Discuss Terrorism, Planned Parenthood in Republican Debate

The next president must be someone who rejects Washingtonian politicking like themselves, both Texas Senator Ted Cruz ’92 and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie expressed in Thursday night’s Republican debate three days before the Iowa caucus. Christie argued that voters must send someone from “outside of Washington to Washington.” “I need a Washington-English dictionary converter,” he said, describing the political jargon that surfaced during crossfires in the debate.

NEWS | 01/29/2016

The Daily Princetonian

Updated: Campus events, transportation services suspended due to snowstorm

Due to heavy snow and hazardous travel conditions, all campus events scheduled forSaturdaywere either moved up toFriday, delayed or cancelled, according to Assistant Vice President for Communications Daniel Day. The Office of Communications issued anannouncementaround6 a.m.Saturdaymorning saying that the University was closed for non-essential personnel.

NEWS | 01/23/2016

The Daily Princetonian

Student in mental health case against U. can retain anonymity, federal judge rules

A federal court judge has determined that a University student who filed a lawsuit against the University for mishandling his suicide attempt in 2012 may remain anonymous during the discovery phase of the trial. This decision reverses a decision issued by a magistrate judge last summer that dictated that the student, currently identified by the initials W.P., should disclose his name in full. U.S.

NEWS | 01/16/2016

The Daily Princetonian

2 undergraduates, 3 alumni selected as Schwarzman Scholars

Two University undergraduates, Ella Cheng ’16 and Tyler Rudolph ’16, as well as three alumni, Lucas Briger ’12, Anastasya Lloyd-Damnjanovic ’14 and Yung Yung (Rosy) Yang ’13 have received the Schwarzman Scholarship in its inaugural year. The scholarship, funded by the co-founder and chairman of the investment firm Blackstone Group Stephen A.

NEWS | 01/14/2016

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The Daily Princetonian

Princeton town to make Bicycle Master Plan with U. input

The township of Princeton is in the process of creating a comprehensive Bicycle Master Plan to create a connected network of bike facilities throughout the town, Princeton Mayor Liz Lempert said. This plan is being funded by the New Jersey Department of Transportation and the town will be working with the consulting firm WSP, Parsons Brinckerhoffto develop the plan. Representatives from the New Jersey Department of Transportation did not respond to requests for comment. WSP, Parsons Brinckerhoff program manager for the Bicycle Master Plan Peter Kremer explained that as part of the plan, the firm is currently conducting a survey to gather community input regarding the Bicycle Master Plan.

NEWS | 01/10/2016

The Daily Princetonian

U. professors launch Microeconomic Insights in collaboration with professors from other universities

Microeconomic Insights, a websitedeveloped by University professors and professors from other institutions worldwide, including Harvard University and the London School of Economics, was launched last week. The Institute for Fiscal Studies, a London-based organization, will be hosting the website.

NEWS | 01/10/2016

The Daily Princetonian

Career Services hires psychics, encourages changes to LinkedIn profiles*

The University’s Office of Career Services has revolutionized its program with an emphasis on unconventionality, including hiring psychics to consult with students about where they should end up. Executive Director of Career Services Pulin Sanghvi explained that Career Services made the decision to hire psychics because they did not have enough time to process all the students who were sent in to see them and because they thought psychics would do a better job in providing guidance.

NEWS | 01/07/2016

The Daily Princetonian

Patton '77 partners with U. dropout to found matrimony app*

“Princeton Mom” Susan Patton ’77 will be partnering with former computer science majors from the University to create Yente, an app to partner college students together in matrimonial bliss.Patton explained that participants in the app will fill out profiles including intended post-graduate job, major, extracurricular activities including fraternities or eating clubs and physical characteristics.

NEWS | 01/07/2016

The Daily Princetonian

U. selects squirrel as its new mascot*

Fifteen hundred students were spotted walking around in squirrel onesies as part of a new protest to make squirrels the new mascot of the University.Callme Nutty ’18, the leader of the Squirrel Movement, said that the movement began in response to some papers found in the Mudd Manuscript Library.The papers claimed that squirrels were supposed to be the mascot for the University, according to proposals drafted by Bruce Wayne ’39.Wayne was unavailable for comment as he was allegedly at war with Catwoman.“Squirrels should be the mascots of this great institution because they’re so cute,” the papers claimed, according to Nutty, “and cats like lions or tigers are too violent.”According to Nutty, the paper went on to detail reasons for choosing squirrels as the mascot, which focused on their preparedness for the future in collecting their food before every winter and forgetting to take out buried nuts, which grew into trees.The original squirrel papers could not be traced as tigers allegedly ate them 50 years ago.Nutty said that the squirrel has always been the University’s official mascot in secret.

NEWS | 01/07/2016

The Daily Princetonian

Menge arm attributed to tracker device*

Secret injection of trackers along with the meningitis vaccine has been identified as the cause for the painful post-meningitis-vaccine “meng arm” in freshmen, according to an investigation conducted by the Undergraduate Student Government. The first tracker was discovered in Iliketobelieve Imspecial ’19 when he underwent a full body scan for undisclosed medical reasons. “I was looking at my scan reports when suddenly I saw this little device with the Princeton logo embedded in my arm,” Imspecial said. Imspecial added that the device was identified as a tracker by zooming in on and studying the scans, since the device could not be removed. “This is Princeton we’re talking about,” Imspecial said.

NEWS | 01/07/2016

The Daily Princetonian

'Prince' to disband due to departure of University spokesperson*

The Daily Princetonian will be disbanding at the end of January following University spokesperson Martin Mbugua’s departure from the University, outgoing Editor-in-Chief Anna Mazarakis said.“It’s simple, really,” Mazarakis said, wiping her eyes with an issue of the ‘Prince.’ “Without Martin to decline to comment on our articles, we cannot function as a news organization.”Mbugua declined to comment for this article.Associate News Editor Do-Hyeong Myeong ’17 said that she admired Mbugua’s professionalism and dedication, and that her time at the ‘Prince’ would not have been the same without him.“He declined to comment for me once and it was the most beautifully written thing I’d ever seen,” Myeong said.

NEWS | 01/06/2016

The Daily Princetonian

PPD establishes elite force against underage drinking*

The Princeton Police Department is training an elite squad of undercover policemen, known as “The Temperance 10,” to apprehend underage drinkers on campus and outside liquor stores in town. “I was put on this earth with one God-given mission in life,” said police chief Carry Nation II, who trained the recruits and was responsible for selecting them.

NEWS | 01/06/2016

The Daily Princetonian

USG codifies preppiness on campus*

The Undergraduate Student Government has instituted a new dress code stipulating new heights of preppification for University students.USG president Jay Crew ’17 noted that while the dress code is not mandatory, students who are observed not following it will be added to a “Burn Book” which will be put on display in Frist Campus Center.“I think Coco Chanel or someone once said that all the world’s a stage,” Crew said, “and to that can be added that all of Princeton is a costume party.”Under the new guidelines, all students must wear pastel colors on Wednesdays, and students may not wear glasses that do not have thick frames.

NEWS | 01/06/2016