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Humor

The Daily Princetonian

Headliners and Headshakers

Cruz ’92 proposes dissolution of IRS at presidential debate, proposes annual tribute of insincere folksiness instead Whig-Clio Tiger statues vandalized yet again, as sacred guardians of Cannon Green, the Tigers demand sacrifice in retribution Trick-or-Feed raises $7,601, collects 760 non-perishable items, and 76 slightly creased Ivy passes on Princetoween UMatter, TigerTransit to provide nighttime weekend bus service, with a monorail in the pipeline Analysis shows Frist, Murray-Dodge most popular places for free food distribution; proves that learning R was good for something Princeton Neuroscience Network approved as official, 24/7 neuro service dedicated to finding missing or malfunctioning brains

HUMOR | 11/11/2015

The Daily Princetonian

Headliners and Headshakers

13 incidences of hand, foot and mouth disease diagnosed on campus; Meningitis B supposedly overcome, the medieval plague begins anewNeither News nor Notes: Princeton ranked best college town of 2015, according to company no one has ever heard ofMost students comfortable with new rifle policy; calls for Red Ryder carbine-action BB gun this ChristmasAvalonBay construction halted due to on-site contamination; Hand, foot and mouth disease unearthedNJ Transit begins #RudeZone campaign; all rude passengers required to self-segregate from general populationLocal radio station WPRB celebrates 75th anniversary; quietly playing hipster music for old people since 1940

HUMOR | 10/21/2015

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The Daily Princetonian

Beyond Beyond Wall Street

Does your five-year plan include finance or consulting? After a number of surveys, follow-up surveys and focus groups, the University has come to the conclusion that there are indeed students whose answer to this question is “No.” In response, the University offered “Beyond Wall Street” and related programming to provide students with exposure to “alternative” career paths.

HUMOR | 02/11/2015

The Daily Princetonian

The Dark Wawa Rises

Step off the Dinky into the new station, and you enter a world transformed. After putting us through the ad hoc efficiency of the temporary Dinky station, Princeton has declared: Welcome to the future. A soaring steel canopy over the Dinky station waiting room reaches for the heavens.

HUMOR | 12/03/2014