Lewis Center for the Arts offers debt maximization workshop

The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.

On Tuesday, the Lewis Center for the Arts unveiled “Borrowing Smart,” its new Thanksgiving Break debt management workshop. The program is the brainchild of Theater Professor Owen Cash, who has seen many of his otherwise talented students struggle to maximize their debt.

“We will start with the basics of forming a deficit, explaining the principles of living in Manhattan and ‘buy now, pay later’-ing Doordashed Starbucks,” he said. “Then, we will move onto digging oneself deeper by asking relatives for money and buying Blockbuster stock.”

In its final weeks, the course will cover enrolling in Master’s programs.

The announcement was met with excitement among humanities students.

“I was unsure about whether to sign up, but after hearing about the field trip to Trenton to take out a quick loan for a tattoo? I was sold,” said Lotta Dett ’26, whose major is undecided.

“A Thanksgiving program is absolutely perfect! Now I won’t have to tell my grandfather what I’m doing with the $300,000 degree he’s paying for,” added Dee Suhpoint ’28, a Visual Arts Minor.

Professor Cash is available for questions at owen.cash@princeton.edu. He looks forward to meeting his students and can’t wait to guide them in their journey to accumulate truly generational debt.