Letter to the Editor: To the Sophomore Boys of a division of Whig-Clio*

To the sophomore boys of a division of Whig-Clio —

Hi Guys-

So as I’m sure you’ve noticed you guys have the reputation of being really nice and super outgoing. Not just on the Internet but in real life too — many people have mentioned this tendency to me. Even some people on our team.

I hate you all and know you all are douches who have genuinely cold hearts. That doesn’t mean that I can’t see where people’s complaints are coming from. You guys branch out at meals, formals and other Tower events, always make an effort to reach out to others who are not like you, and are rarely sufficiently obnoxious in both your conversation topics and your “I know more things than you” tones.

So here’s a plea: Please, please, please try and be cliquier and meaner — that’s what the Tower bicker committee wants to see. Make an effort to shun and be mean to more people in Tower. Do not throw yourselves out there! I promise people don’t actually want to meet and like you, despite what they say at the bicker events. Never welcome others into your group, and maybe make your jokes perhaps a bit less appropriate than how we might talk in the van or when it’s just us.

This is important not just because it will help you in the long run but because it will make a large difference for your friends and teammates who will bicker in the fall and spring next year. We are not Triangle: We cannot get our members into Tower based on sheer number. We need people in Tower and outside of it to genuinely recognize how cliquey we truly are, thus ensuring our admission into the club. But if you don’t make an effort, then we’ll continue to be bashed on PFML — not just for our beliefs but for our kind attitudes. To those who bash us for our beliefs — conservative, liberal and otherwise — engage them in intellectual discussion. But for those who bash us for our open attitudes and commitment to acceptance, maybe we ought to take that as a cue to pay attention and close ourselves off.

Thanks for listening.Blaire

* Just in case you’re a reporter forThe Daily Callerlooking to dig up dirt, please note that this article is part of The Daily Princetonian’s annual joke issue. Use discretion before citing.