Women’s basketball surges in second-half to end Middle Tennessee's winning streak
29 games.
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29 games.
The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
Editor's note: Inspired by a note from a predecessor in this role, I decided to revive the antiquated tradition of the Editor-in-Chief writing a review of the Triangle show. This review is not entirely satirical and sadly not at all fictional, though it does discuss fiction. But nonetheless, it is definitely not serious.
Princeton’s proclivity for celebrating excellence in sports with fire is the result of an evolving tradition. In the late 19th century, the bonfire started as a way to celebrate a baseball win that occurred over summer break, but has shifted in meaning over the years. It became an opportunity to generate hype for the football season and is now a way to recognize the football team’s wins over Harvard and Yale. Now, it’s time for the bonfire to make another evolution: To recognize the not-so-new era of female excellence in sports, Princeton should institute a bonfire tradition to celebrate a Big Three win for a women’s sports team as well.
“Not coming straight from high school, I have different life experiences of interacting more with the ‘real world,’ like having a job and interacting with so many different types of people of different ages and backgrounds in community college,” said Ixtle Montuffar ’27, a transfer student from the Community College of Baltimore County.
The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
On the evening of Nov. 1, residents of Whitman College found themselves locked out of their buildings as proxes were temporarily unable to open doors into the building. According to University Spokesperson Ahmad Rizvi, the temporary lack of access to the building was caused by “trouble with a component of the card reader system.”
The Undergraduate Student Government (USG) met in its weekly meeting on Sunday, Nov. 12 to discuss an amendment to the Undergraduate Student Life Committee (USLC) charter to appoint a Sexual Harassment/Assault Advising, Resources and Education (SHARE) liaison, and vote on various funding allocations. The meeting was held virtually because USG President Stephen Daniels ’24 was not on campus and could not lead the meeting in person.
Play the puzzle here.
At the NCAA Mid-Atlantic Regionals, the No. 16 Princeton men’s cross country team triumphed over 25 competing teams. While the women’s team did not meet their expectations, the lessons learned will carry over into the track season and the offseason.
The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
Content Warning: The following article contains discussion of death and suicide.
Professor Pramod Viswanath, an Electrical and Computer Engineering professor, calls his creation “Blockie.” It's an Artificial Intelligence teaching assistant fed with lectures and notes from his advanced engineering class.
Ammaar Alaam and Ryland Graham are contributing photographers for the 'Prince.'
Turquoise truths rushing towards me, usurp the clear lies that have already reached me.
Dear Sexpert,
On a frigid Friday night in Princeton, the women’s soccer team (9–5–3 overall, 4–2–1 Ivy) turned up the heat in a thrilling contest against Michigan (7–6–4, 3–5–2 Big Ten). Despite a 4–2 loss to Harvard last Friday that took Princeton out of the Ivy League tournament, the Tigers were given a second life on their season when they were selected for the NCAA women’s soccer tournament, an annual 64-team soccer spectacle that every team aspires to reach. The NCAA rewarded Princeton’s stellar season in a stacked Ivy League with a 7th seed, pitting them against Michigan in a home contest at a packed Roberts Stadium.
It was a historic moment when Princeton Electric Speedboating (PES) team’s boat, “Big Bird,” reached a blistering speed of 114.2 miles per hour, shattering the world record for the fastest electric-powered boat.
Overtime goals were the theme for the Princeton Tigers (2–1–1 overall, 2–1–1 ECAC) this weekend, as they wrapped up their first two games at Hobey Baker Rink with two wins against the Yale Bulldogs (1–3–0, 1–3–0) and Brown Bears (2–4–0, 1–4–0).