Newsroom fire places Humor in charge of ‘Prints’

The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.

Sirens wailed at 48 University Place last week as firefighters worked desperately to fight the flames erupting from The Daily PrintsAnything newsroom headquarters. After a headcount, it was determined that all but the Humor section tragically passed away.

“We got kicked out during the content meeting,” explained Head Humor Editor Tarun Iyengar ’28. “They were talking about Epstein or something, I don’t know… but Frankie triple-dog-dared me to write ‘t**ty’ on the whiteboard so none of us were really paying attention.”

The entire section was promptly (and violently) removed from the newsroom with Contributing News Writer Rod Upbum ’29 to chaperone them. The first-year, though technically the entire Humor section’s superior, didn’t seem so superior when he was gagged and tied to a telephone pole.

Approximately 30 minutes later, a Molotov cocktail crashed through the window of the publication’s building.

Humor roundly denies throwing the incendiary device, with the “funniest” Assistant Humor Editor Nate Voss ’29 responding with a cheeky grin and a hand-covering-the-mouth giggle.

When asked if Humor did it, Upbum said “mff mfff mffff brfff mfff,” which translates to, “no. Have you seen what a stud Nic Rohou is though? WOULD.”

With all other staff out of commission, Humor has taken over the publication:

Support nonprofit student journalism. Donate to the ‘Prince.’ Donate now »

Nic Rohou ’28 – Hed of Speling :P

Frankie Volkema ’28 – Head of Beer!

Nate Voss ’29 – Head of ChatGPT Usage and Journalistic Integrity.

Tarun Iyengar ’28 – Head of Embezzlement.

Get the best of the ‘Prince’ delivered to your doorstep or inbox. Subscribe now »

The Yearly PrintsAnything will now feature a tribal managing structure, with funny-offs determining who becomes the chief, a.k.a the “Jerry.”

This term is named for former Editor-in-Chief Jerry Zhu ’27. Being dead, he did not respond to a request for comment.

Nic Rohou is an Associate Humor Editor. He tacks hes knew joob very seriosly. Hee can bi reeched at nr9348[at]princeton.edu.

Nate Voss is an Assistant Humor Editor. This article was written — according to University guidelines — no AI was used. He can be reached — emailed — at nv5141[at]princeton.edu.