Ask The Sexpert: Does stressed sex create connection or distraction?

Dear Sexpert,

With midterms and the fear of finals, I’ve been more stressed than ever with my academics. It’s come to the point where sex no longer feels good and serves as temporary relief. Am I just burnt out sexually, or is all the stress in my life affecting my sex life?

— Stressed-out Student

Dear Stressed-out Student,

While stress is an important survival instinct, it can also complicate our lives, including our sex lives. Sex releases many “feel-good” hormones like endorphins, oxytocin, and dopamine, which can relieve stress. While healthy sex can add value to your everyday life, not everyone’s sexual experience is the same.

Stress is a natural human reaction when faced with a perceived threat or challenge. Stress can occur in many situations, such as an upcoming job interview, exams, or personal issues. However, when an individual struggles with long-term stress, they can experience chronic stress. Chronic stress can affect health in many ways, including reduced libido. It can also contribute to burnout, which can disrupt sex drive.

Sex feels good, and many may turn to it as a coping mechanism for stressors they experience. When an individual becomes reliant on sex to cope with stress, sex can become a harmful force, especially if it interferes with daily life. Sex can be a great de-stressor, but you should be cognizant of the role that sex plays in your life, especially if you feel that it may be adding to your daily stress.

An active sex life can be greatly beneficial if you properly maintain your health. If you are experiencing burnout or chronic stress, incorporating healthy habits to manage your stress can help you live a more balanced lifestyle. These can include activities such as exercise, exploring nature, watching your favorite TV show, engaging in your hobbies, and journaling. If you struggle to cope with daily stress, speaking with a mental-health professional can help you figure out ways to manage these feelings. Maintaining a balanced lifestyle, one in which you can deal with the stresses of everyday life, invites you to have a healthy sex life.

Furthermore, maintaining healthy sexual habits, such as using protection methods like condoms to prevent STI transmission and pregnancy, can also make sex a less stressful experience. Sex and stress go hand-in-hand. Healthy sex can act to de-stress, but if it ever feels wrong or overwhelming, you can take a step back.

There are many great resources on campus that you can utilize to mitigate your stress and balance your sex life. Counseling and Psychological Services (CPS) can be a great start to talking about how to better deal with stress. Frist Health Center offers appointments for any health-related concern, including sexual concerns. For safer sex methods, many Peer Health Advisers (PHAs) on campus have free condoms, lube, dental dams, and other forms of protection that you can use to feel more secure during sex. With all this in mind, have fun with your sex life and stay safe.

— The Sexpert

The Sexpert is a monthly column written in collaboration between The Prospect and the Peer Health Advisers (PHA) program. For more information, you can visit the Sexpert’s website. If you are interested in submitting a question, you can send it through this form: tinyurl.com/princetonsexpert.