“The University can do whatever the hell it wants, and I think that, somehow, we’ll all manage to afford meal plans on top of our dues,” Ivy Club president Jonathan Shifke ’10 said. “Frankly, we wouldn’t even let our waiters eat in the dining halls.”
The new policy, which will go into effect next fall, was proposed by the Task Force on the Relationships between the University and the Eating Clubs in a final report it presented to President Tilghman on Monday.
To handle the demand that will come from feeding all 5,200 undergraduates, the University has taken out a $100 million loan to finance the construction of four new dining halls around campus over the next seven months. Also, all upperclassman housing will be allocated among the six existing residential colleges.
“President Tilghman and I are just so excited that the task force has recommended such a powerful and positive change in how undergraduates experience Princeton,” outgoing USG president Connor Diemand-Yauman ’10 said, reading his answers to e-mailed questions over the phone to pretend it was a real interview. Following the phone conversation, Diemand-Yauman e-mailed the 'Prince' a transcript of his responses and requested that he be e-mailed back any quotes used in advance of publication.
Diemand-Yauman added that he would drop his membership in Tower Club in a show of support for the new policy and begin eating all of his meals with Tilghman in her office every day.
“President Tilghman and I are really looking forward to watching the University community embrace this change,” he said. “And President Tilghman and I will be observing carefully as students undergo this transition. President Tilghman and I have the highest hopes that this initiative will be a resounding success. Today is a great day, President Tilghman and I both think.”
When asked what effect he thought the new policy would have on the eating clubs, Vice President and Secretary Bob Durkee ’69 said he thought all the clubs and their members would be excited about the changes.
“President Tilghman and I are looking forward to discussing these changes in our neighboring offices,” Durkee said. It remains unclear whom Durkee will eat lunch with for the rest of this year, now that Tilghman’s meals have been spoken for.
“President Tilghman and I have been working to improve this University for more than five years now, since long before Diemand-Yauman arrived on campus,” Durkee noted. “We will continue to work together long after Connor leaves.”
This article is part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the internet.
