U. reverses position, will launch chastity center

Back in October, Tilghman opposed a student movement to create a Center for Abstinence and Chastity. “I understand that it is sometimes difficult to stand up for what you believe when you are in the minority," she said, "but the fact that you are greeted with opposing points of view when you do so is not sufficient grounds for the University to establish a center.”

On Tuesday, however, Tilghman revised her position. “I realized that students abstaining from sex in fact constitute a majority on campus, whether or not they actually intend to be chaste.” She explained that this realization led her to reconsider the construction of the Center for Abstinence and Chastity, and she ultimately decided to reverse her initial decision.

To balance out the construction of the chastity center, Tilghman explained, the University will begin construction of the Center for Free Love and Consequence-Free Hookups.

“While there are not many, there are Princeton students out there engaging in free love,” Tilghman explained. “In the interest of being politically correct — and of course having more centers for stuff than Harvard and Yale — we’re doing two centers!”

The dual announcement has been lauded by many students, especially members of the Anscombe Society, sexually frustrated freshman boys and senior girls.

Brandon McGinley ’10, the president of the Anscombe Society and a leader of the movement to establish a chastity center, supports at least one half of the initiative.“[The center would help] by rectifying the current double standard by which the University implicitly gives its seal of approval to a more libertarian view of sexuality,” he said.

McGinley is also a columnist for The Daily Princetonian.

The Sexpert, however, got rather aroused at the idea of a free love. “I can’t wait till the foundation gets laid and the building gets erected,” she said. “I know everyone will come.”

The actual location is yet to be determined, though there are rumors that both centers could be housed in Quadrange Club.

“On the chastity center side, we know that Quad traditionally promotes a pure and chaste lifestyle, and this administration believes that Quad is likely to have a lot of vacant space soon,” Tilghman said.

Despite the ideological friction between the two centers, their relations have been well-lubricated. Tilghman explained that, to prevent a campus culture of divisiveness, the centers will be required to hold at least one collaborative event each semester.

This article is part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the internet.