1. U. to hire first chief information security officer after HackPrinceton creates What Would Princeton's Secret Documents Say?
2. Terra Momo Restaurant Group seeks additional liquor license; state of New Jersey is like, 'Go home Terra Momo, you're drunk.'
3. Students with an evening exam followed by a morning exam can now qualify for rescheduling, defined in the OED as 'extending one's pain and suffering'
4. U.S. Treasurer Rosa Rios signed dollar bills on campus Sunday, because 'we're rich and douchey' didn't quite come across with pen and paper
5. Monocle jacket brings Class of 2014 closest to intraclass warfare since Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros got high and hummed on stage
6. U. hires McKinsey, Morgan Stanley alum to steer Career Services away from McKinsey, Morgan Stanley