Sprint football to play powder puff

Now that the sprint football team has gained a taste of victory, something that none of its current players or coaches had experienced previously at Princeton, the Tigers are determined to continue their winning ways. One season after Princeton "claimed" its first victory over Virginia Military Institute, its first after 40 straight league losses since 1999, the newly released 2006 schedule includes a matchup against one new foe — the Princeton Powderpuff All-Stars.

"When we heard that VMI was coming out with a sprint football club team, we were ecstatic," said one of the short scrawny dudes. "When we heard that Princeton itself had another football team that could make the under-175 lb. weight restriction, we immediately knew that this was our chance to improve on last season's record."

Last fall, controversy on campus raged over whether or not the 19-7 defeat of VMI should actually be counted as the end of Princeton's epic 40-game losing streak, as the Keydet squad was merely a club team in its first season of intercollegiate play. Still, the willingness of the Tiger team and the Department of Athletics to schedule a game in 2006 against a team that isn't even recognized at the club level demonstrates a conviction to count any win as a win and a hunger for more of the same.

The sprint football players were initially under the impression that the Powderpuff All-Stars were a professional team sponsored by the Cartoon Network, a subsidiary of Time Warner. In fact, the squad is comprised of the best players from Kappa Alpha Theta, Kappa Kappa Gamma and Pi Beta Phi.

"We're, like, really really awesomely good," said Summer Saint-Claire, the captain of the squad and a sister in Pi Beta Phi. "Plus, although we're supposed to play flag football when we play for charity, the games always get really rough. Two year ago, one girl broke all of her nails. Granted, that injury was sustained as she was leaving five deep scratches in the arm of another girl, but we were all really shaken up about her loss."

These girls normally only practice for two weeks in the spring before taking the field for their respective sororities to play for charity, but they are willing to extend their season for the chance to prove their skill.

"Like, I'm supposed to be writing be sociology paper this week but, like, I'm practicing instead," said one of the bimbos, er, girls. "It's, like, totally awesome!"

Current and former Princeton sprint football players alike are intrigued by this season-opening contest, and they expect it to yield a record attendance, perhaps even more than the student attendance at varsity football games. Still, the Tigers' second win is far from assured.

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"It's one thing to look across the line and see an Army or Navy cadet, and quite another to see a potential Houseparties date," former starting quarterback Dennis Bakke '05 said. "Besides, how would you like to be known as the guy who caused a girl to run off the field crying after a hard take-down? It will require some finesse."