The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
What your residential college says about you:
Butler: You are a current student at Princeton University.
Rockefeller: You are a current student at Princeton University.
Hufflepuff: You are loyal to a fault, and will stick by your friends no matter what!
Mathey: You are a current student at Princeton University.
Whitman: You are a current student at Princeton University.
Yeh: You are a current student at Princeton University.
New College West: You are a current student at Princeton University.
First: You probably breathed in asbestos.
Wilson: You attended Princeton at some point between 1966 and 2020.
Bezos College: You will be admitted to Princeton in the year 2025.
Forbes: You are a current student across the street from Princeton University.
The School of Public and International Affairs: Maintenance is asking you to please stop sleeping in Robertson 016.
Aidan Davis is a contributing Humor writer who is currently breathing in asbestos, but not because he is in First College.
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Professor suggests his own book as Class of 2030 Pre-read
Nicolas RohouAfter the recent announcement of the Class of 2029 Pre-read selection, anthropology professor Colin Huver has expressed interest in getting his book, “The Crimson Throne of Glass Houses and Forbidden Fire” named as the Class of 2030 Pre-read.
After the recent announcement of the Class of 2029 Pre-read selection, anthropology professor Colin Huver has expressed interest in getting his book, “The Crimson Throne of Glass Houses and Forbidden Fire” named as the Class of 2030 Pre-read.
University Art Museum announces ‘Halloweekend Rave’ as opening exhibit
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In light of campus-wide discontent with the museum’s prison-like exterior, the University has chosen to incorporate students into the opening. The museum plans to host a Halloween-themed rave lasting 24 hours and featuring artists TI Capone and GruberM$neyHustla.