The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
The Princeton Committee on Palestine (PCP) recently submitted a referendum calling on Princeton to boycott Caterpillar Inc., the world’s largest manufacturer of construction equipment. A newly formed coalition of students is looking to take their efforts further.
In a petition submitted this morning, the Princeton Student Historians (PSH), almost exclusively made up of history majors, are calling on the University to divest and dissociate entirely from the construction industry.
“We just kinda like stuff the way it is now,” one PSH member told The Daily PrintsAnything. “We gotta stop breaking things down, and we certainly gotta stop building new things.”
The PSH petition points to the Art Museum construction project as emblematic of the excesses of the industry, with the University “demolishing it just to put it back together a little differently.” They said they hope to build alliances with other students frustrated with loud mornings and slightly elongated walks around campus.
PSH host a screening of the critically acclaimed animated series “Bob the Builder” in McCosh 50 tomorrow to garner support for their movement. Following the discussion of how Bob perpetuates pro-construction ideals, PSH members will convene at Poe Field and shout in the general direction of the new residential colleges.
The Undergraduate Student Government hoped to host a debate between the PSH and their pro-construction opponents, but the group declined the invitation.
Zachary Shevin is a senior in the economics department and previously served as a Managing Editor at the ‘Prince.’ He has never operated any large construction equipment but can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.