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University announces Class of 2026 pre-read “Oh, the Places You’ll Go”

<h5>The Class of 2026’s pre-read.</h5>
<h6>“<strong>tell me about it</strong>” by frankieleon / <a href="https://www.flickr.com/photos/armydre2008/3747418902" target="_self">CC BY 2.0</a></h6>
The Class of 2026’s pre-read.
tell me about it” by frankieleon / CC BY 2.0

The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.

A shift in tone from “Moving Up without Losing Your Way,” University President Christopher Eisgruber ’83 announced the Class of 2026 pre-read will be Dr. Seuss’s “Oh, the Places You’ll Go.” This change resulted from general “dissatisfaction” with the content and length of the past few years’ pre-reads.

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“Last year’s just seemed way too niche, like, what if I want to lose my way?” remarked one member of the Class of 2025. “The author of our pre-read never addressed that in her book. But then again, I never read it, so I wouldn’t know.”

Following the announcement of this change, some students still took issue with the decision.

“I find Seuss long-winded and frankly talking in circles most of the time,” commented one prospective member of the Class of 2026. “I gave it a skim and looked at the pictures, but I wish it would just get to the point. I stopped reading about halfway through — six pages in give or take.”

Another member of the Class of 2026 eagerly offered some literary criticism.

“The book makes some great arguments. I do in fact have brains in my head and feet in my shoes. But can I really steer myself in any direction I choose? I thought it raised some fascinating ontological questions and I can’t wait to discuss with my zee group in the fall!” said Avi Dreader.

Other students were less enthused about the choice, and called the book’s writing style “a bit elementary.”

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Spencer Bauman is an associate satire editor. He can be reached at sbauman@princeton.edu.

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