The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
The Department of Facilities requested that students stop flushing copies of The Daily Princetonian down University toilets, in an email to the undergraduate student body last Friday. Facilities dubbed the phenomenon a “critical issue,” due to the extensive amount of calls related to this problem.
“Pipes are going to burst if another one of you shoves just a few more pages down,” wrote Facilities.
Roughly 50 percent of The Daily Princetonian’s printed issues each week will end up in a University toilet by Monday, and the other 50 percent by Thursday, according to an internal analytics report obtained from a despondent ‘Prince’ business staffer.
The Daily PrintsAnything sat down with ‘Prince’ Editor-in-Chief Emma Treadway to understand her opinions on the issue.
“Well, if you don’t flush them, we’re gonna have to at the end of the week, anyway,” Treadway said.
If you must flush the ‘Prince,’ Housing and Real Estate Services recommends first ripping it into smaller, more manageable pieces. Or just throw it away like everyone else.
Spencer Bauman is a first-year intended economics major from Boca Raton, Florida. He is a contributing writer for the Satire section. He can be reached at sbauman@princeton.edu.
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End your craving for raving: The top five alternatives to a night out on Prospect Ave
Tarun IyengarFor many students, they believe the only way they can enjoy their time at the University is by spending every night partying on Prospect Avenue. However, there are many other options students overlook when trying to have some fun. We at The Daily PrintsAnything want you to consider these five unique ways to make your nights out extraordinary!
For many students, they believe the only way they can enjoy their time at the University is by spending every night partying on Prospect Avenue. However, there are many other options students overlook when trying to have some fun. We at The Daily PrintsAnything want you to consider these five unique ways to make your nights out extraordinary!
We heard there’s a huge erection this week
Daily PrintsAnything StaffRecent campus discourse has surrounded this Tuesday’s huge erection. We at the Daily PrintsAnything know this erection is so big it’s hard to cover, but here’s a little taste of the discussion around campus as the erection reaches its climax.
Recent campus discourse has surrounded this Tuesday’s huge erection. We at the Daily PrintsAnything know this erection is so big it’s hard to cover, but here’s a little taste of the discussion around campus as the erection reaches its climax.
