The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
The Department of Facilities requested that students stop flushing copies of The Daily Princetonian down University toilets, in an email to the undergraduate student body last Friday. Facilities dubbed the phenomenon a “critical issue,” due to the extensive amount of calls related to this problem.
“Pipes are going to burst if another one of you shoves just a few more pages down,” wrote Facilities.
Roughly 50 percent of The Daily Princetonian’s printed issues each week will end up in a University toilet by Monday, and the other 50 percent by Thursday, according to an internal analytics report obtained from a despondent ‘Prince’ business staffer.
The Daily PrintsAnything sat down with ‘Prince’ Editor-in-Chief Emma Treadway to understand her opinions on the issue.
“Well, if you don’t flush them, we’re gonna have to at the end of the week, anyway,” Treadway said.
If you must flush the ‘Prince,’ Housing and Real Estate Services recommends first ripping it into smaller, more manageable pieces. Or just throw it away like everyone else.
Spencer Bauman is a first-year intended economics major from Boca Raton, Florida. He is a contributing writer for the Satire section. He can be reached at email@example.com.