The following piece is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
The University will set aside around $100 million to construct an annex to the Forbes Annex, aptly named the “Forbes Annex Annex.” This project will allow the University to expand the undergraduate population by 10 percent.
The Daily Printsanything sat down with chief architect Steven Nineteenthirtyeightstein ’63 to get a sense of what this new building will look like.
“It’s just a cube made of brick,” he told the ‘Prints.’
When pressed for more details, he explained further.
“There will be at least one window, which will probably be a skylight that doesn’t close all the way,” Nineteenthirtyeightstein said. “And there may or may not be a bathroom.”
The Annex Annex is proposed to hold roughly 500 students in a long hallway of singles. In addition, the University will be repurposing the old radiators — that definitely work — from First College in the new building.
During construction of the Annex Annex, the entirety of Forbes College will be fenced off, even though construction will only be taking place south of the current Forbes buildings. The University has also announced that during the 2021–22 school year, construction will begin promptly at 5 a.m.
“These hours have already been agreed upon and will not be changed,” Nineteenthirtyeightstein explained.
If you would like to get a sense of what the Forbes Annex Annex will look like when it’s completed, the architecture firm suggested taking a long hard look at Gauss hall.
Spencer Bauman is a first-year intended economics major from Boca Raton, Florida. He is a contributing writer for the Satire section.