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Top Ten Ways to Not Be Entered in the USG Presidential Race

1) Tweeting lewd photos a la Weinergate.

2) Running on a platform of legalizing marijuana.

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3) Exposing corruption in the Eisgruber administration and fleeing to Russia.

4) Running a literal smear campaign and slathering the other candidates with marmalade.

5) Posting annoyingly political statuses on Facebook.

6) Securing an endorsement from former Dean of the College Nancy Malkiel.

7) Overthrowing the bourgeois USG and announcing a dictatorship of the proletariat.

8) Being Republican.

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9) Being anyone who considered Yale. Just forget it.

10) Leaving out one of three essential candidacy documents.

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