Ask the Sexpert: Sept. 16, 2010

I'm a freshman girl and my high school boyfriend goes to a different school. We've spent the last three weeks apart, and since we've started dating, this is the longest I've gone without sex. Sometimes I get aroused, but I don't know how to pleasure myself. I try fingering and rubbing my vulva but I can't get anywhere close to orgasm. What's wrong with me?

- Mystified by Masturbation

Dear Mystified,

First of all, nothing is wrong with you. Though many girls have great success with self-pleasure before they have sex, many also find themselves in a position like yours: Their first orgasm was during intercourse, and only later do they start exploring the possibilities of masturbation. The best advice I can offer is that practice makes perfect.

Everyone's body is different, so there is no specific trick I can tell you to suddenly unlock your ability to bring yourself to orgasm. However, there are some things that are worth trying. Remember that the best sex usually starts with some sort of foreplay, and masturbation is no different. If you feel comfortable, you might try pornography, erotic literature and even phone sex with your boyfriend. Or, you can just enjoy your own imaginative fantasies.

It's possible that being a little more patient and engaging in some extended pre-masturbatory play will help you achieve orgasm. You might also want to look into using a sex toy. The most common sex toys for women are dildos and vibrators, which come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes and styles. Babeland.com is renowned for its comprehensive selection of toys, though a first-time or unsure buyer might want to consider taking a trip to New York where you could talk to a sales clerk about your specific needs. Babeland has a few New York locations, as do Eve's Garden and the Pink Pussycat. The Sexpert has been recommending all three for years.

If you do choose to use a toy, remember that proper sex toy hygiene and maintenance is crucial. Wash your toy after every use, as directed in the instructions, or try covering it with a condom for easy cleanup.

Lastly, take advantage of great resources on the Internet. You'll find numerous online guides to masturbation, as well as listings for books on the subject. Just keep researching, investigating and experimenting. Best of luck!

- The Sexpert

The Sexpert is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. You can submit questions to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com. Don't be shy!