Ask the Sexpert: Mar. 4, 2010

Dear Sexpert,

It seems like whenever my boyfriend and I have sex, the condom ends up coming off inside me. Apart from it being a total mood kill when I have to reach up in there to find it, I'm also a bit worried about getting pregnant or catching an STI. This has never happened to me with partners in the past. Why is it happening now, and what can I do to make sure it stops?

-Lost and Found

Dear Lost and Found,

What you are describing is common, and it has a number of possible causes. It may take some time and troubleshooting to find out why it's happening. In the meantime, if you're worried about pregnancy prevention and STIs, I recommend you make an appointment with McCosh Health Center - they can talk to you about contraception options and get both you and your boyfriend tested for STIs. However, never fear - with some trial and error you two should be able to find a solution.

The most likely cause of the condom falling off is that your partner is not holding on to the condom as he pulls out. It is important that he grab the base of the condom and hold on until he's all the way out. If the problem is that the condom comes off earlier during sex, there are a variety of other causes, including condom size, lubrication and usage.

The next time you and your boyfriend have sex, make sure to check that the condom fits properly beforehand. It should fit snugly around his penis - it should not slip or slide around at all - and there should be no extra latex hanging off the end or bunched up at the base. Also, make sure your boyfriend rolls the condom all the way down as far as possible. If the condoms that you are using don't seem to fit correctly, try a different brand or style - you could even look online, where you can find a larger selection of condoms to fit penises of all different sizes.

If the fit of the condom doesn't seem to be the issue, it is possible that it's the lubrication. If you and your partner use artificial lubricants and are putting lube inside the condom, it's probably a good idea to either stop or to put just a little bit at the tip of the condom. You might also try using unlubricated condoms and rubbing lubricant on the outside of the condom. If you and your partner don't use lubricant, you might want to try using some on the exterior of the condom because if you're a little dry, it's possible that friction can pull the condom off.

If neither changing the condom nor altering your use of lubricants seems to be doing the trick, try changing your sex positions. Many couples find that certain positions decrease the likelihood of the condom slipping off. Vary your routine until you find a position that keeps the condom in place.

Most importantly, you have to talk to your partner. Ask him if he stays erect the entire time during sex, and let him know that it's perfectly normal for erections to come and go. If he's not staying erect, the condom may loosen and slip. If this is the case, buy a smaller condom that fits more tightly. Though it may feel awkward to talk about this with your boyfriend, remember that he is probably also concerned about this, and I'm sure he doesn't like the mood kill that accompanies fishing out a used condom. An open conversation will give you both more peace of mind.

-The Sexpert

‘Sexpert' is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. You can submit questions to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com. Don't be shy!