1) I had swine flu
2) I was on a plane—for a week
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3) I was on a train that never stopped at Princeton Junction
4) I was training for the Nude Olympics
5) I was a backup dancer in a Bollywood movie
6) I was in one of the 20,000 productions this week
7) I was fighting public masturbators—in the women’s locker room
8) I was nursing a hangover from Princetonween
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9) I couldn’t print anything because of the quota
10) I gave up

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