1. Wear horse blinders.
2. Never give directions to anyone. Especially if they are naked.
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3. Carry a parrot trained to scream, "Indecent exposure!"
4. Learn karate.
5. Or just walk around wearing a black belt.
6. Train a pack of squirrels to follow you around and attack on command.
7. Get swine flu.
8. Pretend you're hiking, and carry a big stick.
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9. Just don't confuse it for his big stick.
10. Or not so-big stick.

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