Dear Sexpert,
I've seen lots of posters around campus advocating for a Center for Abstinence and Chastity. Isn't that a bit redundant? What's the difference between abstinence and chastity? Don't they both just mean you're not having sex?
-Terminology Challenged
Dear Terminology Challenged,
The difference between abstinence and chastity isn't crystal clear, but while the two are related, they are not interchangeable. Abstinence is the act of not engaging in sexual activity. While most people who define themselves as abstinent won't engage in sexual intercourse, many have differing definitions of what abstinence means. Some won't hold hands or engage in physical contact with members of the opposite sex or with any individual to whom they feel attracted. Some will engage in a variety of sexual activities - including giving and receiving oral sex - while refraining from vaginal intercourse.
Chastity, while tied to the practice of abstinence, is a term that is often used to describe a lifestyle choice rather than just a decision to not have sex. People who choose to be abstinent may do so for a variety of reasons, though the term chastity and the decision to be chaste often have religious motivations attached to them. In Catholicism, the choice to be chaste is made in an effort to deepen one's relationship with God as a pure being; this can manifest itself in sexual decisions as well as in other aspects of one's life. In Judaism, the term used for those who have decided to be chaste is shomer negia (literally, "guarding touch"). People who are shomer negia don't touch members of the opposite sex outside their families before marriage. Even then, touching is restricted to one's spouse, though in the modern world, occasionally this rule is bent to allow handshaking in a business setting or when refusing to do so would be seen as prohibitively rude.
It is important to remember that choosing to be abstinent or chaste does not preclude someone from being in a committed and healthy romantic relationship. It just means that the couple has chosen a specific way of being in a relationship.
While this can serve as a quick guide, when talking about abstinence and chastity with a friend it's best to ask what he or she means by the term, so that you're all on the same page. This can also help encourage open and active discourse on this subject - never a bad thing.
- The Sexpert
‘Sexpert' is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. You can submit questions to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com.
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