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Ask The Sexpert — April 23, 2009

Dear Sexpert, 

I'm a girl, and whenever I hook up with guys, they expect me to give them blowjobs. I don't mind doing it, but they never seem to want to reciprocate with oral sex. They either try to have sex after I've gone down on them for a while, or, more often, they will finger me, which doesn't really do that much for me, and I also don't think it's equivalent. I feel weird insisting that guys go down on me, since I know some of them don't like to, but I don't think it's fair. What should I do? 

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Unsatisfied

Dear Unsatisfied,

A good solution to this problem is to figure out what both of you are comfortable with prior to starting. If a guy asks if you'll give him a blowjob, you can say to him something casual to find out what he's willing to do, like, "Sure, if you'll return the favor." It doesn't need to stop the flow of what you're doing, and it can save you a lot of disappointment! It's absolutely reasonable to expect someone to reciprocate when you're hooking up, and it can seem awkward to ask someone to repay the favor, but take a minute and realize that you're not asking for anything that you aren't willing to do. 

If he's willing, that's great, and if he's not, you may not want to take things as far. If he's willing to finger you, you shouldn't feel bad about stimulating him manually in return. You should also try to give feedback to ensure that he's doing a good job - fingering could be a good experience for you if the other person is doing what you like. And you might want to experiment by yourself so that you'll have an easier time communicating your preferences in a hookup situation. Good luck! 

- The Sexpert

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‘Sexpert' is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. You can submit questions to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com. 

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