Sex on wheels: U. shuttle adds late-night Street route

By EZ Rider, Princetonian Staff Voyeur

The University announced last week that it will make changes to the campus transportation system to accommodate students’ most urgent and personal travel needs. A new shuttle has been added to the current system, running on only Thursday and Saturday nights, making stops between all eating clubs on Prospect Avenue and individual dorms on campus.

“I think it’s about time,” Jack Daniels ’11 said of the additional vehicle. “I don’t know how many times I’ve been on the Street trying to get someone back to my room only for them to come out with some lame excuse about how it’s too far to walk from Charter to Forbes in the rain.”

In an announcement of the new shuttle posted on the University website Monday, officials said the adjustment to the transportation system was “a necessary measure to alleviate growing concerns for students’ sexual health.”

“The University is always concerned about the well-being of the students, particularly when it comes to protecting them from the danger they can get into walking drunkenly back to their rooms to hook up,” Director of Parking and Transportation Kim Jackson said.

Jackson said that the idea for the additional shuttle came out of her talks with SHARE director Suraiya Baluch.

“In the past semester there was a distinct increase in the number of McCosh standard-procedure pregnancy tests that were coming up positive,” Baluch said. “When I mentioned this to Kim, she came up with the idea of providing transportation — and contraceptives, of course — to students on their way back to their rooms.”

“The walk back is the perfect moment for prevention,” she noted.

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While the University has termed the new vehicle the “Safe-Sex Shuttle,” some students have already nicknamed the new service the “shaggin’ wagon.”

When asked to explain the nickname, Mandy Partners ’09 said, “ The partition between the driver and the back of the bus gives it a sort of limousine feel, and by the time you’re in there you already know it’s a done deal so you start wondering ‘Why wait?’ ”

Jose Cuervo, the driver of the new shuttle system said he did not feel disturbed at the knowledge of what may be happening behind the partition.

“It kind of takes me back to my high school days,” Cuervo said. “Except I didn’t go to a fancy school that used its endowment to buy me condoms. All I had was my friend Chuck, his van and the condoms I bought myself.”

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While the administration was primarily concerned with the shuttle promoting safe sex practices, some students said that avoiding long walks back to dormitories was a health concern in and of itself.

Amanda Corona ’09 described a Thursday night when she and her ex-boyfriend’s roommate could have succumbed to hypothermia walking back to her room but were saved by their quick thinking and insistent libidos.

“We were leaving a club in a hurry on a freezing night, and options seemed pretty limited,” Corona said. “The shaggin’ wagon wasn’t around then, so the bushes, with the squirrels watching, worked out fine. We got warmer, but it probably wasn’t that safe.”

This article is part of The Daily Princetonian's annual joke issue. Don't believe everything you read on the internet.