Ask The Sexpert — Oct. 9, 2008

My suitemate has really loud sex, and I don't know what to do! Her immediate roommate is often out of the room studying, so I guess it doesn't bother her, but I'm often in the common room trying to study, or even in my own room trying to sleep, and I'm really bothered by her enthusiastic screaming. The worst part is that morning, afternoon and night all seem to be fair game. I'm embarrassed to talk to her about it. Help?

Sleep-Deprived Suitemate

Dear Sleep-Deprived,

There are three rights everyone should have in his or her room - to sleep, to study, and to have fun - in that order. This means that you sleeping and being comfortable in your room is of great importance. It's going to be really hard talking to your roommate, but if you continue to avoid the topic, you'll come to resent her. Sit down with her, or get the whole room together to talk about your collective living standards, and say that you'd like the room to be quiet when you're sleeping and at certain hours of the day. You can try to talk about noise in general terms, but she might not understand, so it's really best to be straightforward. If you feel comfortable being somewhat flexible, suggest hours that you'd like to be in the room to study, and choose other hours to study outside of the room, or give her the hours you're at extracurricular activities as fair game. You can ask your RCA for advice on approaching her. Finally, see if your suitemate's partner has a living situation that's more conducive to them having sex at odd hours and encourage them to occasionally spend time there instead. Earplugs might block out some of the noise, but my guess is that she doesn't mean to disturb you, and you should be comfortable!

- The Sexpert