Ask The Sexpert — Oct. 16, 2008

I'm uncircumcised, and now that I'm in my first serious relationship, I'd like to lose my virginity, but am really worried about proceeding. I'm not sure whether being uncircumcised is common. I overheard some female friends talking about how they wondered what someone who is uncircumcised looked like naked, and whether it would be gross and wrinkly - this is NOT the reaction I want when I take off my underwear! I'm worried that I will look really weird and that sex won't be as enjoyable of an experience for the other person. I don't know if I should do anything differently than other guys would; if I use the same kind of condoms, will it be uncomfortable for the other person? I just want things to go really well, and I'm filled with doubt. My greatest worry is that this insecurity will cause me to lose my erection or otherwise ruin things. Please advise!

Worried about my Willie

Dear Worried,

While your fears are perfectly normal, rest assured that things will be just as great for you with an uncircumcised penis as they would be for you if you were circumcised - in fact, they might be even better! Because the hood protects the shaft of the penis, some men have reported greater sensitivity during sex before being circumcised, so look forward to that! If you're really worried, consider talking to the person you're involved with before you get naked. Let him or her know what to expect, and chances are, he or she won't think it's that big of a deal. If you do decide to have sex, focus on the reasons that you want to have sex with this person: that you enjoy one another's company, are attracted to one another, etc. Remember: Penises come in all shapes, sizes and colors. Being circumcised or uncircumcised is only one unique feature. There isn't an expected or standard way that yours should look. Good luck!

- The Sexpert

Dear Sexpert,

I'm not really enjoying masturbation and am looking to try something new. What kind of sex toy should I get for myself (I'm a woman), and where can I get one? I'd rather not have a box come to the package room marked "Vibrator"...

Seeking Stimulation

Dear Seeking,

A vibrator can be a great way to add some variety to your masturbation routine, and it's awesome that you're interested in exploring your options. Some of the more popular toys for women include a vibrator and a dildo; the difference being that a vibrator is battery-operated, whereas a dildo is not.

There aren't a lot of sex toy shops close to campus, but don't worry: You can order something online without getting a box that would be at all identifiable as a vibrator. Many websites guarantee that their products are sent in discreet packaging. You'll get a plain cardboard box with a return address that doesn't give away the package's contents.

Also, there are occasional sex-toy parties on campus - last year, Princeton Pro-Choice Vox hosted one, and it is planning to hold a third annual event this year, so stay tuned for that. Representatives from companies will bring in their products for people to see and hold, and you can order from the catalogues they pass out. This might not be for you, since the parties are public, but you can always mail in an order a few days later, after perusing your options.

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Finally, you might find it fun to take a trip into New York to shop for a vibrator. Like a sex-toy party, this gives you a chance to hold items before you buy them and to see exact shapes and sizes. Babeland, Eve's Garden and The Pink Pussycat are some highly regarded stores that might be worth visiting.

If you do buy a vibrator, make sure you clean it with hot water after each use (consider using a condom on it to make things easier on yourself), and enjoy your purchase!

- The Sexpert