Ask The Sexpert — April 10, 2008

I'd like to buy a sex toy, but have no idea what kinds of toys are available for men. Can you tell me about popular types and brands? What toys might be most enjoyable, and how do they work? Are there sex toys that men can use with their partners, or are they all for solitary use?

- Feeling Experimental

Dear Experimental,

There are actually a ton of things you can try! There are toys that can be used anally, toys that can be penetrated and toys to help increase pleasure during sexual encounters. Anal toys include prostate massage toys, which curve inside the body, anal beads, which are inserted and pulled out for stimulation, and butt plugs, which are small dildos. Toys that can be penetrated are generally shaped like a mouth, rectum or vagina and made of a soft material like silicone or latex (though the latter is difficult to clean and thus should be avoided). Finally, there are toys that can be placed on the penis during sex that improve it for both the man and his partner. Cock rings help men maintain their erections longer by keeping blood in the penis and increase sensation for the other person. Other cock rings include rings to hold the testicles away from the body - they normally retract just before orgasm - and by impeding their retraction, orgasm is extended and intensified. If you use one of these toys, run it by your partner to make sure he or she is comfortable with this, and congratulations for making a decision to try something new!

- The Sexpert

Dear Sexpert,

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There's someone I want to ask out, and I think she likes me too, but she's a different race than I am. This is the first time I've dated someone of a different race, and I'm worried that there might be differences in our backgrounds that I haven't even thought about. I want to make the relationship work if we do start dating, so what types of things should I consider to be as sensitive a partner as I can be?

- Color-Blind

Dear Color-Blind,

That you're thinking about this at all is really important, and that sort of thoughtfulness will get you a long way. You have to be aware of that your relationship might (or might not) attract attention that could take the form of comments, stares from other people or probing questions, and you have to take this in stride. Discussing that this might happen, and discussing how you'd deal with it together if the issue arises, will help minimize these issues. Some other tips seem obvious but are actually important to keep in mind. Refrain from making assumptions about her background or using stereotypes or generalizations, but feel free to ask questions if there's something you'd like to know about, and encourage her to do the same. If your parents are having a difficult time with your decision to date someone of a different race, it might be helpful to explain to them why you like the person and show them that you're happy and that this person is a positive addition to your life.

That being said, the two of you might not have any problems due to your different racial backgrounds - this advice is all for the worst-case scenario. Interracial couples are increasingly common, and the stigma surrounding them is declining, especially on college campuses. Focus on the things you two have in common: your college experiences, friends, classes or interests - the reasons you liked her in the first place. If you are both comfortable with one another, there is no need to turn your separate backgrounds into a relationship problem. You'll notice, if you look around, that it's hardly uncommon to see people of different backgrounds mingling, especially on a diverse and dynamic campus like this one, and you undoubtedly have friends who come from all sorts of backgrounds. You've picked a great place and a great time in your life to branch out, and you'll find a lot of support!

- The Sexpert