The 40-year residential college

I speak, of course, of eBay CEO Meg Whitman '77, who announced that she will be leaving her post at the end of March. Ten years ago, when Whitman first joined the company, eBay had only 29 employees. Immediately after she was hired, it had 30. But as internet auctions became popular, the young corporation began to thrive by capitalizing on the average person's desire to buy useless crap; this is roughly the same principle under which Spencer's Gifts operates. Today, you can go to ebay.com and bid on pretty much any item you can imagine - classic records, sports memorabilia, or the private parts of deceased celebrities. The way eBay makes money from the purchase of these items is that, secretly, all the sellers are actually different screennames used by Whitman to hawk her estimated $1.4 billion worth of useless crap. It's true. SxxyChik88? That's Meg Whitman. Sk8rBoi69? That's also Meg Whitman. MWhitman56? You guessed it - Meg Whitman.

But what will this successful and dynamic woman do with her free time now? There is talk she is planning to run for governor of California in 2010. This, of course, is ridiculous; to be elected to that position, she would need a great deal of experience in public office or at least a much longer resume of action film roles. Some speculate that her wide array of financial resources is a significant asset to her campaign. But we all know that in America, money is not nearly as important as a candidate's dependability, integrity or comically accented pronunciation of various "Terminator" catchphrases.

The more obvious option for Whitman is simply to enjoy her retirement. She certainly has enough rainy-day money hidden under the mattress to move to a small island somewhere and live in luxury for the rest of her life. But why go somewhere exotic when she's already built the perfect retirement home right here in Princeton? We've got a $100 million mansion with her name on it. Literally.

Now, I imagine there's probably some kind of University policy that says only enrolled students can live in a residential college year round. But if Whitman showed up at the Housing Office and said, "Listen, I paid for this place, now give me a freakin' room and a meal plan," could they really say no? At the very least, they could annex another building from Spelman and let her live there. Granted, she'd have some adjustments to make - I imagine that living in one smallish room is a significant step down from her current home(s) - but I think she would enjoy life here. After all, she lived in Princeton back in the mid-'70s, so why not try living here again into her own mid-70s?

There are plenty of ways Whitman could entertain herself on campus. If she enjoys working out, Dillon Gym is right next to her namesake college and has probably remained unchanged since her time here, or possibly since James Madison, Class of 1771's time here. If she's looking for intellectual stimulation, why not join some pretentious townspeople in sketching out the student body by randomly auditing popular lectures? And of course, there's a plethora of activities offered within her residential college, ranging from weekly salsa lessons to the ever-popular Whitman college special members-only dinner night. She could even hire a few Whitman freshmen as personal "thesis buddies" to wait on her hand and foot. Then again, Whitman could simply spend her time on something typical retirees do, like collecting antiques. And you know where you can find really great deals on antiques? EBay.

Brandon Lowden is an electrical engineering major from McKees Rocks, Pa. He can be reached at blowden@princeton.edu.