On the art of politeness

"Manners maketh man" was the motto given by William of Wykeham to the New College of the University of Oxford. Now, six centuries later, politeness still matters.

On Monday, my psychology professor attempted to demonstrate the differences in moral rections with two scenarios. First, the professor purposely asked a student for a bottle of water without saying please or thank you. Then, he pretended he was fine with people urinating on national flags. The students were much more shocked by the lack of manners regarding the water bottle than by the other situation.

One of the adjectives commonly used by foreigners to the United States to define Americans is "polite." I am always surprised when strangers here ask me how I am doing. In fact, in a June 2006 survey, Reader's Digest concluded that New Yorkers were the most polite people in the world. This survey, conducted in 35 cities around the world, was based on the results of three tests — dropping papers in busy streets to see if anyone would pick them up, checking how often salesclerks said "thank you" and counting of how often someone held a door open to a stranger.

Unfortunately for my compatriots, Paris only came in 15th out of the 35 cities tested. Perhaps in order to improve its ranking, the Paris transit authority has launched a campaign to teach respect and politeness to passengers. The buses and metros now feature humorous posters reminding travelers to use trashcans for their garbage, to avoid whacking their neighbors with their backpacks, etc. Private lessons teaching that proper French diners eat asparagus with their hands and sorbet with their fork are increasingly popular. Soon, every Parisian will know that it is impolite to put bread on one's plate and that it is better to cut a very small piece before eating. Even my country's political leaders find politeness increasingly fashionable. President Jacques Chirac can no longer meet a first lady or a head of state woman without kissing her hand.

There is much to reproach, however, in these politeness rankings. Asian cities came in among the last with newspaper headlines containing such phrases as "If in Mumbai, learn to be rude." But doesn't this poor ranking of Mumbai simply indicate that its inhabitants are less likely to speak English and therefore less interactive with English speaking surveyors? The survey featured the Western world as the champion of politeness and civilization, but weren't the three tests evaluating politeness based on purely Western standards?

In Bangladesh the "thumbs up" gesture is considered obscene. In some countries of Africa, avoiding eye contact when speaking to an elder is a sign of respect. In Ghana, it is more polite to leave some food on one's plate to show that one has received enough to eat. What if the politeness of New Yorkers had been downgraded for using the thumbs up gesture, looking their interlocutor in the eye and finishing their plates? It would be just as ridiculous to consider Middle-Eastern men homosexual for holding hands or embracing when this is simply a social custom.

The Reader's Digest surveyors should come to realize that many Asians are more polite than Western citizens. The Japanese language, for instance, has many different forms of expression to emphasize social distance or social intimacy. For instance, the form of the verb "to do" takes on different conjugations when used among close friends, when used formally, to show respect to others and to refer to one's own actions. No western language counts so many polite distinctions.

Had my psychology professor played his bottle of water trick in India, students would probably not have been shocked by the absence of "thank you." According to Dr. Prem Lal Joshi, a journalist for Worldpress.org, Indians are not accustomed to saying thank you to strangers but more commonly nod or smile.

To be sure, "Manners maketh man," but manners make a man of one's own society. No one is as such, universally polite.

American writer Ambrose Bierce once said that politeness was "the most acceptable hypocrisy." So far as it provides warmth to a society, politeness is more than acceptable. But let's not assume that others have learned to be hypocritical in the same way that we have. Soleine Leprince '09, a visiting student, is a history and international and public affairs major from Paris, France. She may be reached at leprince@princeton.edu.