Adam '07 dies of cancer

Alexander Adam '07, an active member of the Princeton theater community and an aspiring writer, died of Ewing's sarcoma Jan. 25 at his family's home in New York City. He was 23.

A 2002 graduate of the Trinity School in New York, Adam lived on the Upper West Side of Manhattan with his parents, Laszlo '73 and Winky, and his two brothers, Nick '08 and Dash, a high school junior.

On the afternoon of Feb. 2, hundreds of family members and friends gathered at the Church of Heavenly Rest on Fifth Avenue and 90th Street in New York to mourn Adam's passing.

They remembered his disarming and self-deprecating humor, generosity and genuineness.

In his eulogy for his older brother, Nick Adam said that when he was a freshman in high school, "a countless number of older students and teachers wanted to talk to me about Alex."

"Guys would tell me about how hysterical he was, girls about how kind and how much of a hopeless romantic he was, and teachers about his latest written creation," he said.

Not long before he died, Adam joked with his mother that a prize should be created in his memory for "the most creative freshman with the worst GPA," she said in an interview.

"Alex' writings demonstrated that one can be witty and funny without ever being caustic or cruel," said Adam's grandfather, Richard Furland.

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Alec Magnet, Adam's friend from Trinity, recalled how even the staff at Sloan-Kettering Memorial Hospital grew attached to him. "Alex was so kind and easy to talk to and would ask the nurses and doctors [about themselves]," he said. "He would give advice to a doctor who was having girl trouble."

Adam played with children in the pediatric ward who were undergoing treatment. "They all just flocked to him like a mother hen," Magnet said. "He was there getting his chemo and really thinking about himself dying, and he was better than a psychiatrist with the kids."

Cliff White, another Trinity classmate, said Adam was so selfless that it was hard to get him to talk about himself during a conversation. "He was always wondering about other people," White said. "He'd never get into his own problems, even in his final days."

Friends and family said they were frustrated that Adam was too modest to realize how admired and loved he was.

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"He was so handsome and appealing and charming, and he never understood that about himself," his mother said.

Rodney Deavault '07, who costarred as Adam's lover in "Playing in the Dark" at the Berlind Theatre, said that after the show was over, Adam said, "Rodney, it's sad that this year, I got the most action from you. I'm never gonna get any girls after this show."

"But actually," Deavault added, "half the girls were in love with him after the show."

Magnet said that though Adam was shy, "he was so nice and so obviously contained such multitudes of insight that everyone was actually fascinated with him. He would never believe any of us when we told him that half the girls at [Trinity] were throwing themselves at him."

'Refreshing personality'

After graduating from high school, with Princeton acceptance letter in hand, Adam took a year off to travel and work. He hiked in Alaska, traveled to China and worked for Hart-Sharp Entertainment in New York City. In April of 2003, he and friend Peter Grey began to hike the Appalachian Trail, though injuries soon cut the trip short.

When he arrived on campus that fall, Adam once again took up his favorite extracurricular activities: acting and writing. He participated in three plays during his freshman year and got involved in the creative writing program.

"He threw himself into the theater, and he was shy so it was very hard for him," his mother said. "But he ended up going on a lot of auditions and got into a lot of productions."

Mike Solis '07, one of Adam's roommates, said he was uniquely attentive to others. "[He was a] truly refreshing personality at a place where people often tend to get caught up in little things very easily," he said.

In an e-mail, Solis recalled hiking in California with Adam for their freshman seminar, Active Geological Processes. Upon discovering a glacial lake, "Alex jumped into it without even thinking twice."

"I just thought to myself, 'Who is this person!' " Solis said. "It was so funny to see someone do that."

In the spring of his freshman year, Adam took a creative writing class with Professor Joyce Carol Oates, in which Solis was also a student.

"In that class he was really in his element," Solis said. "He had a passion for writing and for providing others with helpful feedback with their work."

Former visiting professor Alan Hollinghurst, who taught Adam in the fall of his sophomore year, said in an e-mail, "his pieces made me laugh out loud. In manner he was charming, courteous, almost diffident; but the stories he wrote, made up mainly of dialogue, were funny and scabrous."

Nick Adam, who began his freshman year at the University when his brother was a sophomore, recalled how tight-knit he and his brothers were as siblings growing up.

"When we were kids, Alex was kind of the leader of the group," he said, referring to the three Adam brothers. "He kind of included us, but he would keep us entertained, invent games for me and my little brother."

Though the two spent less time together in high school, Nick Adam said they grew close once again when they were both at the University. They saw each other every day, often meeting for coffee in Frist Campus Center.

"In Princeton, he was only a year above me," he said, "so this relationship developed that was more like what we had when we were kids."

Adam performed with Theatre Intime, the Princeton Shakespeare Company and the Program in Theater and Dance during his three semesters on campus.

In addition to "Playing in the Dark," the student production that played at the Berlind Theatre, in which he starred as a gay white Princeton student, he also participated in the Theatre Intime Freshman One Acts. The next fall, he played the psychiatrist Ernie in Intime's production of the Neil Simon play "Rumors."

Amy Widdowson '06, a friend of Adam's who was in "Rumors" in the fall of 2004, described Adam as a solid talent. "He was the only sophomore who had a major role, but he held his own with all the juniors and seniors," she said. "He was so consistent and nailed it from the first reading."

His cheerful attitude and humorous wit made him a favorite among the cast. "In any situation, he always had something really witty that just made sense, and everyone would say, 'I wish I had said that,' " Widdowson said.

A long battle

Adam spent the summer after his freshman year in China with Princeton in Beijing, when he began to complain of shoulder pains. By December 2004, the pain increased so much that his doctors insisted on an MRI.

Though they initially suspected that he had a torn rotator cuff, doctors found a large tumor in his shoulder blade. He was diagnosed with Ewing's sarcoma, a rare cancer that is usually found in or near bone.

He began chemotherapy at Sloan-Kettering, which proved effective, though he wasn't able to return to campus for final exams in January or for the spring semester. By May 2005, the tumor had shrunk from the size of a grapefruit to virtually nothing.

Optimistic, doctors performed surgery to remove his shoulder blade and replace it with one made of titanium. Though saddened that this would hinder his acting career, he spent the summer recuperating and returned to Princeton in the fall as a member of the Class of 2008.

Widdowson remembered seeing him at Tower Club one night early in the 2005 academic year. "He was all smiles," she said. "He was so strong and so looking forward to coming back, and [he was] so excited to be at this party with everyone."

He was interested in writing a book about his experiences, which he joked would be the "best-ever book on cancer," his mother said. "He collected anecdotes on how it felt to be on the pediatric floor talking to hot young nurses about — his urine."

When Adam returned to campus in the fall of 2005, he did not immediately immerse himself in theater productions. "He was trying not to do too much too fast," said Julia Cain '07 said, who acted with him in "Playing in the Dark."

Within three weeks of his return, though, he began noticing pain in the lower part of his spine. He returned to the hospital, and doctors found that the cancer had returned. The recurrence suggested that the cancer would spread even further.

His doctors estimated that Adam had six to 12 months to live but then proposed the possibility of a bone marrow transplant. Neither of his brothers were a match, but in February 2006, the hospital found one in the National Bone Marrow Bank from a donor in Minneapolis.

"He was rebounding very well, doing great until July 2006," his father said. A biopsy, however, revealed that the Ewing's sarcoma cells had returned, despite the transplant. Though he continued chemotherapy, it was apparent that the treatment would only temporarily prolong his life.

A few months before Adam's death, Cain visited New York and went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art with him.

"He was definitely sicker than I've seen him before," she said. "But he still had this amazing spirit about it. He said he was bored, so he wanted me to suggest books for him to read."

On Dec. 7, Adam decided to stop the treatment. "It was a great, brave, mature thing," his mother said. "We spent the next six weeks basically saying goodbye to him."

Among their many regrets, friends lamented the lost contributions Adam could have made to the fields he loved.

"One of the things that [is] so enraging about his death is that he had such extraordinary talent as a writer and as an actor," Magnet said. "But it's just impossible to think about all the things he's missed, things he could've done and the life he could've lived."

"Every time someone dies, you always say, 'Why did it have to happen to this person?' " Widdowson said. "But really, this is one of the things that makes you sit back and say the world is just not fair. He never had anything bad to say about anybody. He was just so wonderful."